Chicharong Flower: Translated
by syaoran no hime
Summary: NejiTen AU translation request. An epic love story can begin anywhere... even with dead pigs, burning huts, and stolen kisses.
1. Chapter 1

_A person's life is really mysterious...sometimes, there are things we aren't supposed to know, yet we know...there are also things we need to know, yet it takes a long time before we know. It's called stupidity. But that's okay, I don't worry about those things. As for me, I have my own life. _

_I'm Tenecita Teneciente Da Sarapen by the way. You can call me Tenten, if you're uncomfortable with my christened name. I live alone since my mother went away with another guy, and my father also eloped with another guy. I have nobody to depend on except for three persons: me, myself, and I. I am able to support myself through selling items on the streets. Papaya in the morning, rice cakes in the evening. But the most famous item among my merchandise would be the greasy sin called chicharong flower—pork crackers made of Ms. Piggy's internal organs._

_They say my flower's the crunchiest in all of Konoha. Something you'll savor and keep coming back to. With this, I was able to build a humble hut with an Olympic-size swimming pool inside. I was happy and content with my life, with nothing else to wish for, until an incident happened one day, one that will change everything…_

------------------------

Syao-chan ReProductions presents...

A film by Kodak films

**CHICHARONG FLOWER: TRANSLATED**

Directed by Ms. Syao Chan C.U.T.E

translated by omiKYUT with edits from syao

For non-Filipino readers, you may find the plot cliché, but originally, I made this as a spoof of the sappy soap operas our country shows back home. I'll do my best to cut the local references so as not to confuse you guys. A very big thank you to my translator, _Omitot_, and _Attorney_, who got interested in this story and built a translation site for this. Their efforts made it easier for me to translate this, only doing minor editing and script to fic transition.

This is for _Big Syao Chan Fan_ as welll, who made the request for a ff dot n translation.

-------------------------------------------------

"_WHAT!_ The pigs where I'm supposed to get my chicharong flower all died!"" Tenten's shocked cry reverberated all throughout the piggery owned by her friend, Rock Lee.

A depressed bowl-haired male looked back at her, head bowed. "I'm sorry Tenten. How are we suppose to know those greedy pigs will eat the rat poison we scattered in the fields? I know this is your only source of income..."

She bit on her fingernails, frantic. "What now? I'm not yet finished paying up that Indian for my hut. If I fail to do that, he'll take my only house away!"

He paused, and then his eyes lit up. "Wait, I know. There is a place where you could get your chicharon. He's rich; for sure he'll help you."

The brown-haired female was still fretting. "It's all your fault; why did you use up all the money I paid you for your pigs just so you can get your hair rebonded?

Lee shook his head, his hair bouncing as well. "At least my hair follows my every move now, ne?"

She pursed her lips. "Yeah...in fairness..."

He fished for his address book. "Here, go to him now. That's his address and here's his cell phone number. Don't you dare share this info to others, ok? He's got privacy issues."

And so, the young woman hurriedly went to the address written on the paper because she has no load (cell phone credits) to contact her savior by phone. But just when she was about to cross the street, a raging vehicle arrived from out of nowhere. It hit the body of the lady, making her lose her balance. Her rear slammed on the street and she accidentally sat on a metal spike. She tried standing up, but bumped her head instead on the bumper of a car. She unexpectedly fell on the ground lying down. Someone came out from the driver's seat.

The mysterious guy took one look at the scene, and then slammed his forehead with his hand. "Shit! My headlights! You smeared them with your sweat!

Upon hearing this, her temper flared. "Son of a tadpole... thanks for the concern." Slowly, she tried to get up. "Who do you think you are, driving as if you're the king of the road! Pedestrians pay for these roads through obscene taxes too, you know!"

"Heh," he smirked. "That's your fault, you're in the way."

A vein popped on her head. "And now I'm the one at fault! Hey, not because you're driving a luxury car doesn't mean you're entitled to brag!" She threw a look of disdain at his car. "I can even bet that those parts are smuggled!"

"So what?"

She smiled triumphantly at him. "So I was right! You will SO be in trouble with the government!"

"…" was the only reply of the guy, dark aura emanating from him.

Tenten continued to speak. "Let's stop this nonsense because I need to go somewhere. Could you please move your pirated car? _It's blocking my way._"

"Wait. You still have to pay for my damaged headlights." He frowned at her.

"Doesn't your insurance cover that?" She slapped her forehead. "Oh I forgot. It _is_ smuggled; therefore it's only natural for it not to have insurance…"

_You're really getting on my nerves…_The man looked at his wristwatch. "Oh damn…"

She noticed that. "Hey, my time is more wasted than yours. Men, they bring nothing but trouble. If only Noah had been a girl! And I wish Adam was gay instead! Then the male species wouldn't have spread this pervasively, and mutated into several forms of sub-standard forms such as you… oooh, damn it!"

"For a lady you're pretty vulgar," he muttered.

She glared at him. "What? You expect me to act like a Virgin Mary when you almost crushed my hip bones! Be thankful I'm not in the mood to kill." She shoved him away. "Move!"

He stopped her from walking away, imprisoning her other arm. "Hey …"

She turned around, eyebrows arched. "What do you want? Hands off my shoulder's epidermis!"

He smirked and then in one quick movement, cupped her face and gave her a sudden hard kiss on the mouth. Before she could fully realize what was happening, he pulled away.

"Colgate," he remarked, a self-satisfied smile on his face.

"You could have just asked what toothpaste I was using instead of doing that," she hissed, her face an angry hue of red.

He shrugged. "Consider that as payment for damaging my headlights."

Her eyes widened. "You—"

She was cut off in mid-sentence when he casually entered the car and drove away.

"Pervert! An asshole with no manners!" she yelled after the leaving car, uncaring whether gleeful bacteria were entering her body system from the dust gathering around her. "You think you kiss well, you pig? Well, let me tell you this! I'd rather suck on a turnip than to do an encore of torrid saliva exchange with you again! I'll avenge my stolen innocence, you'll see!" She looked up at the late afternoon sky slowly being replaced by the night sky. "Hah! But I'll rest first! I'll hunt for your head TOMORROW!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Hyuuga Neji finally arrived at his destination: a church adorned with white flowers, white silk, and everything else that would signify a wedding. However, strangely, the groom, the bride, and the guests were all standing outside.

Upon seeing the latecomer though, they all sighed in relief.

Hyuuga Hinata twirled her wedding gown with her hand. "Kuya Neji, at last you've arrived. Finally we can begin the ceremonies." (1)

He blinked. "You're already here? Aren't you supposed to be late in a ceremony?"

Naruto fixed his bow, which seemed to have been tied too uncomfortably. "She was late for three hours, but what we didn't expect was you'll beat her record. Eight hours, KUYA."

"Damn you; I thought I told you never to call me that."

Naruto looked at him, shaking his head. "Why don't you just receive the truth with spring insides?"

"…" Neji.

Hinata came quickly to her groom's rescue."He meant, you should accept the truth with no hard feelings." Hinata said here: bukal sa loob sincere; bukal spring; loob inside :D

The male Hyuuga groaned. "I would not be hesitant walking you down the aisle if the one I'm supposed to give your hand to is at least _human_."

She sighed. "Kuya Neji…"

Kakashi stood up from the flower boys' aisle, scratching his head. "Could you please start the wedding? The food for the reception's starting to spoil."

This made everyone nod in agreement. And thus, the wedding ceremony began.

…………………

Meanwhile, Tenten arrived in the house of the person where she was supposed to ask for pigs…

"Why do I feel that I've been tricked by Thick Brows…" she muttered as she stared at the abandoned house.

"There's nobody there right now."

She turned to the source of the voice, eyebrow arched. "No kidding."

The pineapple-haired neighbor shrugged. "The people who live there are in a wedding. If it's urgent, just go there." He dutifully gives her the address she must go to.

Tenten smiled gratefully at him when he finished. "Thanks again, buddy. I'm off!"

"Wait a minute!" He held out an open palm towards her. "I gave you information, now you need to give me my just compensation."

"Son of a _tikbalang _(2)…" She tried to move away but her shadow was controlled by the male.

"Well?" he asked, bored.

"Is an 'I owe you' good?" she asked, desperately tugging her paralyzed leg. "When I finish my business with the guy I'm looking for and I get to make my chicharon, I'll give you… um… I'll give you a _whole_ platter!"

He seemed to consider that for a while, and then he nodded. "Good enough…" He quickly released her, and off went Tenten to the wedding.

"Do you, Hyuuga Hinata, take this man as your lawfully wedded husband for richer or poorer, through thick and thin, till death do you part?" asked the priest solemnly.

Hinata's eyes were positively shining with happiness. "I do, Father."

The old priest turned to the blond. "And you, Uzumaki Naruto…" He bowed closer towards the groom. "…do you dig her?"

"Of course!" said Naruto proudly.

"Ok game, You two are wedded. Let's start the drinking spree!" The priest rushed to the banquet and started taking bottles.

Neji stared at the celebrator, who was talking with the flower girl and bridesmaids, in dismay. "Where did you get that priest? He acts like a rejected carnival performer or something…"

* * *

At last, Tenten arrived. She sighed. How would she find this Mr. Hyuuga Neji with all these people? She didn't ponder on that too long because suddenly there were shouts coming from the ladies.

It was throw the bouquet part of the ceremony. Even if she still had a mission to do, she decided to watch what would happen.

Hinata began the count-off. "One…two…THREE!" She suddenly threw the bouquet of roses towards the anticipating crowd.

"THAT'S MINE!" cried the ladies and ladies-in-heart in unison. They scrambled for the bouquet, causing it to be thrown in all directions as the ladies valiantly wrestled for the chance to walk down the aisle soon, too.

But the bouquet seemed to have a mind of its own because it fell on the feet of Neji, who was calmly drinking his wine.

"Hmm? Flowers? Why is it here?" Neji gingerly picked them up.

"Hey, where are the flowers?" yelled Naruto, looking around the room.

Neji waved his arm from across the room. "Here. Son of a… these flowers are expensive and you just throw them away!"

Everyone's eyes widened.

"W-Wait…" whispered Hinata, blushing fiercely. "K-Kuya Neji was the one who caught it…?"

Naruto smiled, determined to return order to everything. "Err… Let's still follow tradition…" He looked at the male crowd, who all wore dark expressions on their faces. "Ahh… W-who would like to put the garter on Kuya?" He hopefully turned to the man in the corner. "Sasuke? Would you like the honor to do it?"

"Mother fucking hell…" muttered Sasuke, nearly choking on his drink.

"Excuse me," Tenten got up, raising her hand. "Is that Hyuuga Neji?"

Naruto scratched his cheek. "Well, the last time I asked him, yes, he is. Is he the wrong brother-in-law of mine? (3)"

"Ok, fine. Give me the garter." She got up determinedly.

Everyone sweatdropped once more.

* * *

After a while, Neji was already seated in the middle while Tenten was kneeling in front of him. She was already holding the garter, as well as a mocking smile on her face.

"So, we meet again, Cocky Jellyfish." She smiled at him sweetly.

"Jellyfish?"

"I'm referring to your kissing technique."

"Damn you," he muttered.

She smiled brightly at him. "Well then, let's begin the ceremonies." He looked at his pants. "So how should we do this? Should you pull your slacks up or would you rather remove them?" She looked at him innocently when she received a lethal glare. "What? I was just asking."

Neji quietly lifted the hem of his pants up.

"Higher, higher!" chanted the crowd.

"Hear that? They said higher," said Tenten, grinning at him.

"And you would follow them?" he snapped, losing his cool.

"Naturally," she said, shrugging. "The voice of the people is the voice of God!" She lifted the hem of Neji's slacks even higher.

His fists clenched. "I think that height's fine…"

She looked at him, feigning surprise. "But it hasn't even reached your knees yet! This is a garter not an anklet, stupid." She pulled the garter higher.

Neji felt a soft tingle in his thigh. "I said that's enough…"

She frowned. "Why are you so afraid to expose your legs? Do you have varicose veins? Do you have three feet?"

"Shut up."

She lifted the hem some more. "Hmm... I'm becoming insecure; I think you're legs are better shaped than mine…"

"Another word from that vulgar mouth of yours and I wouldn't hesitate—"

She pretended to cower. "Don't! I may agree to it!" She secured the garter. "Ok! Done!" The crowd erupted in applause and cheers as Tenten bowed.

Neji, on the other hand, walked away from the line of vision of the guests. "Why did you suddenly appear here?

"I'm looking for Hyuuga Neji," she replied simply.

He smirked. "I knew it. You were addicted to my kiss."

"How I wish it was so, but I'm not very fond of seafoods." She gave him a saccharine smile. "I went here because my friend said your family raises _pigs_—

Neji stiffened. "Watch your tongue, lady. My family and I are decent so—"

"I didn't say you weren't," she said soothingly. "I said, you were probably raising pigs which I need for my business. I make chicharong flowers." She went on to explain her dilemma.

After hearing the story, Neji scowled at her. "And you think I would help you?"

Tenten smiled."Why not? Just one look at you, everyone would infer that you are a gentleman, a good citizen, loving to his family, an obedient son, has a heart of gold especially to poor people and poor chicharon…

"There's nothing free in this world."

"I would pay you up after I sell my flowers," she said quickly.

"Are your flowers delicious?" he asked gravely.

She quickly nodded. "Very, very crunchy! And good for the heart too!"

"I'll think about it," he said, non-committal.

She grabbed his sleeve. "Oh pleaaasee, my house will be taken away and—"

"Take it or leave it," he said firmly.

"Yes, yes, of course. Like what you said, some things are meant to be thought over a hundred times," she amended, smiling forcibly.

* * *

_Will Tenten get her most desired chicharon from Neji? And what kind of payment would Neji ask of her?_

To be continued

* * *

_Side Notes_

**(1) kuya - **older brother

**(2) tikbalang** - half-man, half-horse creature.. the horse is the upper part :D, quite famous for scaring children to sleep

(3) Naruto's English is awkward deliberately; it's one of the story's punchlines.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Birthday post :) I was planning to post more fic updates than this, but I forgot KJ's cardreader at home. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy reading!_

Previously on Chicharong Flower…

At last, the two main characters of this drama finally met. It wasn't a peaceful first encounter, but Tenten had no other choice but to ride with Neji's unusual character. Now we shall pick off from where the last chapter ended…

………………………..

Tenten checked her watch, and then turned to Neji. "I better get going. It's already dark and I still have to watch my favorite soap."

No reply came from the man.

She cleared her throat. "Neji, love, I shall go home now."

A vein popped on his head. "Why are you telling me that? I don't have your money."

She looked pointedly at his automobile.

Yet another vein popped in his temple. "Son of a… Does my car look like a public utility jeep?"

"I didn't exactly come from a place that is walking distance from here. My adrenaline rush is the only reason I was able to arrive here. But I'm extremely tired now," she reasoned.

"Why should that be my problem too? The hell I care if you do get home or not!" he snapped. "We've just met, so don't act as if we're close friends."

She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You're not being very gentleman-like, I swear! What if, while I was walking home, someone with ill intentions attacks me and tries to rape me?"

"Then run! Don't tell me you'd agree to be raped?" he retorted.

She snorted. "Of course not! After protecting my virginity for so long, do you think I'd give that up _that _easily?"

"Good. So that pretty much wraps these all up." He started to walk away, but she quickly followed him.

"Well, Neji, so I wouldn't need to run away…"

"You would just agree to be raped?"

"NO! What I meant was, just give me a ride home. It's not like I'm asking you to bring me to the after life; it's just after the next town," she said, sounding as logical as possible.

He exhaled sharply. "After humiliating me in public, what made you think I would help you?"

She sighed. "You're too sensitive. Don't you know that it's bad to sow seeds of hatred towards others? Because if you sow them seeds, they'll get fruits later on, and they'll be happy!"

He groaned. "Son of a… just get in, will you? You're wasting air supply with your nonsense."

……………………………….

However, their fiery verbal battle didn't end inside the car…

Neji turned on the car radio to listen to an AM station for his daily dose of news. This made Tenten frown. Without asking, she switched the radio to an FM station. A tune about jumbo hotdogs and questions of 'can you handle this?' dominated.

The long-haired male, scandalized by the lyrics of the song which was more explicit than Eminem's; switched it back to news commentary. The headlines: Two crippled women played tag. One kicked the other, leaving her dead!

Tenten couldn't help but comment. "You're too morbid! Why do you enjoy listening to such heinous crimes?" She switched it back to FM, and the sultry voice of a singer was heard crooning, 'I feel like saying ooh…I feel like saying ahhh…'

"It's better than your lewd lyrics, anyway," he remarked. He tuned it back to his favorite news program.

"Flash report, everyone!" announced the newscaster excitedly. "Three policemen on their way to work tripped on a pebble. All of them are all DEAD!"

She rolled her eyes. "It's better to be a sex maniac than to be death-obsessed like you. At least if I do die, I'll die happily, "she concluded with a malicious grin.

"Your being too vulgar is getting on my nerves." He looked at the road before them. "Is your house still far away?"

She looked out at the window, too. "Yup. But if you start your engine now rather than fight with me about radio stations then it wouldn't be that far."

And so, Neji, recognizing her reasonable explanation, started the car and drove off. An hour later, they finally reached Tenten's home…

"Apartment 1 Road 2 Block 3 Lot 4 567 Village, Project 8 road. We're here." Neji peeked at Tenten who fell asleep leaning against the car door. Her knees were tucked underneath her chin, seemingly cold from the car air conditioner. Despite himself, he could feel a small smile of fondness appear on his face. She was pretty, especially when her earthy mouth was clamped shut.

For quite a while, Neji was gazing at her, fascinated by the beauty assaulting his senses that he thought were already numb. His eyes turned to her legs— they were long, almost endless, and flawless at that. He gulped inwardly, and his gaze returned to her unconscious face. Her mouth was slightly parted, and he could feel the insistent urge to claim them again.

But the song on the car radio quickly changed—a serenade courtesy of Linkin Park. The lady stirred from her sleep

"Peter Parker, where are you?" moaned Tenten, rubbing her eyes. "We haven't finished climbing the steep mountain of happiness –"She looked at her surroundings. "E-Eh? Neji!"

"Hmp. Do I look like Spiderman?" He turned his eyes outside the car window. "We're here."

"Oh, yeah." She smiled at him brightly. "Ok, thanks. I'll go ahead, Neji".

He rolled his eyes. "Why, am I racing against you?"

She ignored him. "I won't ask you to come in for a cup of coffee, since I don't have any."

"What do you have?" he couldn't help but ask.

"Milk. Nutritious milk."

"I have a lactose digestion problem."

"Tough." Tenten prepared to get off car, but turned to him again. "About those chicaron…"

Neji shrugged."I'll think about it."

Tenten stepped out of the car and turned her attention to the house. Her mouth dropped open in surprise when she saw her house in flames. Standing in front of the blazes was the Indian loan shark whom she borrowed money from, holding a torch, laughing like a madman. "Oh shit…" she muttered.

Neji was flabbergasted at the sight too. "W-What the hell…"

Tenten ran towards her house. "I HAVEN'T WATERED MY PAPAYAS YET, DAMN IT!" She fretfully ran past her burning hut and checked on her plants. Upon reaching her garden, she smiled in relief when she saw the plants were still alive. "Whew! I thought something _really _bad already happened…"

Meanwhile, Neji approached the Indian. "Are you the one responsible for burning down her house?"

The Indian turned to him. "Yes, whhhhyyyyy? It's only proper since she took so long to pay me back! Wakekeke!" he cackled in delight.

"How long was that?"

"She's fifteen minutes late. Wakekekeke!"

Neji looked at Tenten, who was gaping at her burning hut, as if she had just realized what had happened to her home. "I see." He started to turn around, only to face the Indian again. He delivered a sound punch to his face.

The dark-skinned man fell to the ground, holding his cheek. "That hurts! Wakekekeke!"

Neji approached his female companion. "Tenten…?"

She turned to him, eyes shaking. "I no longer… have a house…"

He looked away, wondering what to say. He then decided to just try to encourage her. "There's still some plywood left…"

Tears formed in her eyes. "My dream house…"

"P-Perhaps it could still be repaired," tried Neji. "Wait here, I'll just get some hammer and nails…"

Tenten shook her head sadly. "No… This is way beyond repair." She went to her garden and started to uproot her plants.

Neji followed her. "What are you doing?"

"Packing what's left of my belongings," she answered. "I'll look for a place where I could stay while I search for a new home." She noticed the hollow blocks of her hut in the corner. These, too, she started to put in her bag. "Maybe I can use these in building my new life…"

"If you have nowhere to go, you can stay at my place."

She turned to him, shocked.

This made him uncomfortable. "Err… If I dropped you off earlier, you could have paid the Indian his money. You would still have your house then."

"You're feeling guilty?" she said, incredulous.

The man blushed faintly. "O-Of course not! I just said that because… I just felt like saying it."

Whatever he meant by that.

Tenten looked down shyly. "I-I'd just be a burden…"

Neji blinked, realization dawning on him. "You're right. Forget what I said."

She jumped up furiously. "Damn you! I was only trying to be cute! You can't go back on your word!"

………………………………..

So in the end, Neji found himself a new border in his mansion.

"This is my humble abode which came from the ancestors of my ancestors," said the Hyuuga as he toured her around the place.

Tenten looked around her in admiration, taking in the luxurious surroundings. "Wow, I thought I was inside a shopping mall…" She looked at the escalator in the corner. "Neji, where does that thing go? Your house is a bungalow, right?"

"Ask the one who built it," he replied. "I'm a business tycoon, not an architect."

"Good point." She faced him smilingly. "You know what? I still couldn't believe you had agreed to adopt me."

He rolled his eyes. "Me, too."

"Thank you so much! Don't worry, I will repay you for your kindness someday!" she promised him.

Just then, Hinata arrived in the living room. "K-Kuya Neji? At last, you're home—eh?" She gaped at Tenten. "Y-You were the person who attended our wedding earlier, right?"

The brown-haired female grinned. "Shucks. You remembered me! I'm touched."

Hinata nodded vehemently. "Of course, Miss. I must thank you for what you did earlier, putting the garter on Kuya Neji. Nobody else would ever dare do that."

"I thought so too," she smirked at Neji, who rolled his eyes again.

"Hon, the bathtub's ready but I couldn't find the ginseng—" Naruto stopped suddenly when he saw the visitors. "Oh, Kuya Neji! What are you doing here?"

"This is my house, you idiot." He looked at the newly-married couple testily. "Continue what you were saying to Hinata."

The dark-haired woman blushed hotly. "K-Kuya…"

Naruto smirked. "No need, you might just get jealous!"

The male Hyuuga's face darkened.

The blond then noticed Tenten watching them with much, much amusement. "Hmm? You were at our wedding earlier right?" He held out his hand towards her cheerfully. "Uzumaki Naruto at your service station!"

This made her smile. "Tenecita Teneciete de Sarapen here. Tenten will do. So… you were looking for ginseng right?"

He winked conspiratorially. "I want a ginseng-scented bath," he squeezed his wife's hand affectionately, the latter's face nearly an explosion of scarlet, "so my honey would feel better."

This made Neji growl. "Grr… Naruto, remember this. Ever since Uncle Hiashi died, I became responsible for whatever happens to Hinata. Don't ever do _anything_ that would anger me or the Hyuuga clan, got that?"

Naruto didn't back down. "Remember this as well, Kuya. I was serious when I vowed in front of your whole clan's graves that Hinata would be the only woman I'll give my heart and soul to. I would do nothing to hurt the woman I love in the whole wide world!"

After some moments of tense silence between both men, Naruto looked away and grinned at his wife. "Honey, let's go, I think Kuya has ginseng baby oil. Let's just borrow it from him… "He placed an arm around her waist and led her away. "Now let's go shower together…"

Hinata, very red, whispered worriedly to her husband. "N-Naruto… I'm nervous… this is the first time I'll be doing this…"

"Do what? Take a shower?" He chuckled. "Don't be afraid, I'll be with you – ouch!" He staggered back from the impact of Neji's fist. "Waa! What was that for!"

"Grr…" Neji looked like he had a lot of things to say, but he didn't know how to start. "My cousin… you better take care of her or else…"

Tenten intervened. "Neji, let them go. They're already married. What do you think they would do all night in their honeymoon? Stare at each other?"

This only made more veins pop on his head, but he said nothing.

Tenten turned to the couple. "Now both of you, go forth and multiply!"

Naruto beamed at her. "Bless you!" He pulled his blushing virgin wife to the bathroom.

"GRAH…" Neji sat on the sofa, looking like he aged ten years over.

Tenten sat down beside the guy. "You sure are crankier than someone who missed her monthly period. Neji, you must accept that everything changes. Your cousin has a new life now that's why you must let them be."

"You don't know how it feels," he mumbled. "Hinata and I are the only ones left in our family."

"Then the more you must let go of your cousin… so your clan could multiply again!" She received a lethal glare from the Hyuuga. "Gee, you really act like an old spinster."

Contemplative silence followed before Neji spoke up again. "I'm _hungry_," he said, looking at her intently.

This made Tenten laugh nervously. "H-Hey, I'm thankful that you allowed me to live here, but I'm not _that_ thankful to be willing to give up my virginity! You can never eat me, NEVER!"

He snorted. "Idiot. I mean, go cook."

She gawked at him in surprise. "What? Why?"

He smirked at her. "You were the one who said you'd repay my kindness. Start repaying me now by cooking."

"#$ hell… here I was thinking what a good-hearted man you are, letting me live here for free. I should have known it's just a cost-less technique to hire a maid!" she said, scowling.

"Heh. Instead of yakking, go cook something for me," ordered Neji.

"You are so arrogant… arrogant to the infinite level, bro!" She got up, steaming. "Fine I'll do it! Grr… Be thankful I know how to be grateful…" Still muttering, Tenten headed for the kitchen.

Neji leaned on the sofa, exhausted. He was planning to take a nap before dinner, but he woke up suddenly when he heard continuous pounding coming from the bathroom. "Damn you, Naruto…"

……………………………………………….

From someone who loans pigs, Tenten became the new housemate of Hyuuga Neji. What events would take place inside the Hyuuga household? And why is the pounding noise inside Naruto's bathroom so loud? What did Tenten cook? And would Neji like how it tastes?

All this and more would be answered in the next chapter of… Chicharong Flower: Translated.


	3. Chapter 3

Previously on Chicharong Flower…

Out of some crazy circumstances, Tenten became the housemate of the Hyuuga. Even though it's against Neji's will (well, that was according to _him_), he allowed the beautiful lady with a Gillete Razor-sharp tongue to stay at his house. Now we shall find out what happens next after we left the loud pounding against Neji's bathroom door…

-------------------------------------------

Tenten proudly placed the platter holding her culinary masterpiece in front of the waiting Hyuuga. "Senyorito (1) Neji, your meal is ready!"

Neji stared glumly at the dinner before him. "Pork again? Son of a… don't you get tired of this yet? We've been eating chicharon for three and a half weeks!"

She shrugged. "But that's the only meal I know how to prepare. That's my work. And besides, you don't like _my _instant noodles…"

He rolled his eyes. "The last time you cooked instant noodles, I remember, it looked like water which sprouted Sadako's (2) white hair. Even my pigs didn't touch your food…"

"I'm not domesticated, okay, so sue me!" She placed hands on her hips. "Go and eat it already. It's bad to say 'no' to graces."

"Son of a…" He cupped his chin, depressed. "God would understand if I refuse that… that… thing. And what did you think of my cholesterol level, infinite tolerance? Besides, I've noticed my pigs are slowly diminishing. Instead of them growing up peacefully like proper Hyuuga farm pigs that they are, we gobble them up for dinner…" He chewed on his food as he spoke. "We're worse than merciless cannibals! We're like flesh-hungry monsters! We're like--"

"It's that time of the month again when you have your monthly visitor, eh, Neji?" she asked, sighing. "I thought so. You're noisier than usual." She sat down to eat. "Okay, if it shall make you happy, tomorrow, I promise we'll have a _different_ dinner."

"REALLY?" said Neji, who looked happier than a person told that he would get a refund of his six months' worth of electricity payment. "So there _is_ still a God…"

Tenten, meanwhile, was problematic. _I'm so dead. Damn, why did I make that promise? What should I cook now?_ She forced herself to think back and contemplate, but only found a scapegoat. _It's my great grandmother's fault! She didn't teach her children to cook meals other than chicharon. That's why the husbands of women from my clan die early… if not from heart attack, then from high blood. It's because everyone from my clan only knows how to cook chicharon._

Neji looked up from his food, noticing that she wasn't eating. "Don't tell me I'll commit suicide alone? Eat some of your cooking so both of us would die from too much cholesterol."

"Aww… You're so sweet." She also got a fork and joined Neji in the meal. "Damn you."

……………….

And so the following day, Tenten decided to learn how to cook. She started off by thinking of a person to ask to teach her the arts of gastronomic pleasuring.

"How about Hinata… I'm sure she's a great cook, but she's probably busy with her pregnancy." She grinned wickedly. "That Naruto's got some serious babymaking skills. Imagine, just two hours locked up in the bathroom with her, and it's a success already! Hyuuga clan would no longer be miserable. They would multiply once more, and Naruto would be their Father Abraham: Father of the whole clan of the new generation of Hyuugas. Super!" She framed her chin with her palm. "Hmm… how about Sir Kakashi? But I think the only thing he knows about cooking is, well, meals with the word 'aphrodisia' attached to it." Her shoulders sagged. "How come there's a sudden shortage of decent cooks around here?"

At that moment, Neji emerged from the house, fully dressed in formal getup. "I'll just be visiting the maternity clinic for a while."

"What are you going to do there?" Tenten blinked. "Don't tell me you were able to get pregnant all by yourself!"

He rolled his eyes in response.

Tenten nudged his ribs. "Hmm, Neji-chan, I swear, you look so damn _manly_ when you roll your eyes, the way retards do when they're amusing themselves." She nodded to herself. "Before when I tease you like this, you look like you want to eat me alive. I think I prefer the 'old' you."

"Right." He looked at his wristwatch. "I'll be bringing my cousin along. It's her first time visiting the maternity clinic."

"Wow, how cute! A cousinly bonding session then?" gushed the female.

A vein popped on Neji's head. "Tenten, has anyone told you yet that you're incredibly _annoying_?"

"Yes. You did."

He sighed, and opted to ignore the comment. "Hinata is the one going to the clinic, I'm just accompanying her."

"Ah, now I understand," she said, feigning solemn comprehension. "You were not being clear awhile ago."

That remark was disregarded too. "Hopefully, upon my return, we'll have a different meal, _as you have promised_. No more pork."

"No bacon?" she tried.

"I want fried fish," he said simply.

"What if I buy a fish, pork-flavored?" she tried again.

"Then eat by yourself." With that, he climbed into his car.

She waved at him smilingly. "Ok, love, be careful on your way!" She watched him drive away. "And I'll go prepare his fried fish." She stood up. "To the market I go."

……………………

Tenten arrived at the market, holding a basket, feeling very wifely in her getup. She soon spotted her first shopping item.

"Excuse me, I would like to buy fish," she told the vendor.

"How many?"

"Err.." She smiled helplessly. "I don't really know. As long as it's enough for…ah…my husband."

The vendor's eyes suddenly lit up. "How big… is that husband of yours, huh, dear?"

Tenten imagined Neji's finger, then grinned. "XL, I think," she smirked.

"Oh, you should get milkfish then," suggested the fish vendor. "Then stuff it with lots of onions so he would be lively. That's what my husband and I did, and now, when the whole family goes shopping together, we look like a community instead."

"Really?" Her eyes widened. "How old are you, by the way, Ma'am?"

"87," said the old woman proudly.

"You certainly don't look like it," said Tenten, impressed. "Looks like you and your husband had betrayed your menopausal period!"

"That's why I always change husbands; they could _never_ keep up with me."

Tenten whistled. "When I grow up I want to be just like you, Ma'am, a real fighter!"

The selling woman waved her finger proudly. "Eat balot and penoy(3) every morning and evening. It'll strengthen your knees, giving you the power I now hold."

The younger female jotted that down. "Okaaay… balot…" She grinned wickedly. "Looks like Neji has a new dish! Hehe!"

……………………………….

After buying another ingredient, Tenten went home and started her cooking.

She looked at the milkfish swimming happily in the basin. "Poor fishie… you look so happy, so at peace. And here I stand before you with a merciless intent of ending your blissful existence. Shit, Neji, how could you make me do something so cruel as this?"

She got a knife and then stared sadly at the fish. "Sorry, fishie, but if I fail again in making this meal Neji-approved, I may be driven away from my new home sweet home. And I can't afford to let that happen!" she cried as she presented her arguments before the swimming creature. "I've already fallen in love with this house, never mind if its attic is in the basement!

"Besides, I think I've developed a crush on the master of this house." She wrinkled her nose. "Even though he _is_ grouchier than my father when my mother ran away with a man he used to date too."

Thus, with a heavy heart, she proceeded to stab the slippery creature. A second passed, and squirts of blood splashed everywhere.

"Son of a giant, MY HAND!" With that, Tenten blacked out.

…………………………….

When Tenten regained consciousness, she immediately saw Neji's worried expression. He was bent over here, gazing at her face.

"N-Neji…?" She looked up in fascination at the lines of anxiety drawn on his handsome countenance.

"You scared me…" he whispered. "When I came into the kitchen, I saw the floor covered with blood. I didn't know what to do… those tiles are expensive…"

Tenten clutched her chest. "Oh my goodness!"

"Then I saw the fish, swimming inside the basin, probably thinking it's an aquarium," continued Neji. "You were unconscious, and your finger's bleeding." He glanced at her injury, and she then saw that it was already bandaged. "That's one less bandage in my supply," he informed her dryly.

"Sorry. You should have used a sanitary napkin instead."

"My supply just ran out." And for the benefit of relieving the shock in her face, he hastily added, "It's Hinata's. I just shop it for her." He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Besides, it's already over anyway." He paused, and then asked, "Are you okay now?"

"A-a little." She realized that her head was resting on Neji's lap. "Neji, wait. I better get up. Your pride and source of joy might get smashed."

"My source of _what_?" He looked down at what she was gesturing, saw his tight crotch, and then rolled his eyes. "Right."

"I better get started on my cooking ." She headed for the sink.

"I'll help," volunteered the Hyuuga, also standing up. "I saw the fish in the basin, so I'm assuming that it's our dinner."

Tenten laughed. "No, it's actually my pet. His name is Fishie."

Neji sighed. "Let's just cook it so we can call it 'quits'. You are eating my pet pigs anyway."

"Deal." Tenten then recalled something else. "Um, Neji? Would you mind cutting up the fish for me?"

With that said, he could already guess what bloody incident happened awhile ago. "Sure."

"I'll take care of the onions," she quickly added.

………………………

No sooner had she started the said job, she was already finding great difficulty in accomplishing the task.

"Neji…" she cried, wrestling with the onions she was cutting for the sauce. "Neji, my eyes hurt from slicing these…"

He glanced at her. "Tenten, why don't you chop it under water so you wouln't cry?"

"And how do you suggest would I breathe when I do that, hmm?"

"Idiot. You're not the one going underwater, just the onions."

"Ohh…" She did as told.

…………………….

Eventually, they finished their culinary task.

"There," said Neji with great satisfaction. "At last, a meal which is not chicharon. I think I want to offer mass for this blessing."

"Let's taste it!" said Tenten excitedly. She took a forkful of fried fish and swallowed it."Mmm… delicious! I'm such a great cook!"

"I'm the one who fried that," he reminded her warily.

Not to be outdone, she quickly said, "I invested my blood on that fish."

"Whatever you say." He looked at her bandaged hand. "Let's have that cleaned first at the clinic. It's just near here."

Tenten frowned. "But Neji, I washed my hands before eating! Do you still need a medical certificate for my sanitary practices?"

Neji shook his head, groaning. "Forget I said anything. Geez." They both sat down and began to eat.

"How's Hinata doing, by the way?" asked Tenten in between hungry bites.

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Fine."

Silence.

"Thanks… for cooking me fish," he suddenly said, making her glance at him in bafflement.

"You're thanking me?" she said uncertainly.

"…"

"You _are _thanking me."

"Yes. Now shut up."

She was all smiles at him.

He was about to resume his meal when he noticed something. "Ah, Tenten?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you make an onion salad for our sauce?" he asked slowly.

Tenten cackled. "So you would have a very _happy_ life!"

It was double-entendre, he was sure of that. In the end, he opted to just roll his eyes at that.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Now that Tenten knows how to cook something other than chicharon, would the two finally live happily together? Or would fried fish be their every meal everyday?

_To be continued_

**Sidenotes:**

(1) Senyorito - Spanish for young master

(2) Sadako – reference to the infamous long-haired ghost from Ringu, or The Ring.

(3) Balot and penoy – (one-day-old) duck eggs XD it's featured once or twice in fear factor if ever you're watching it XD omitot's note. Curiously, I would like to add that they are considered aphrodisiacs by men.


	4. Chapter 4

_Because Neji was getting tired of Tenten's specialty, chicharong flower, he ordered the young lady to cook fried fish. On her first attempt however, she nearly lost all blood from her body when she accidentally stabbed her own hand instead of the Neji's soon-to-be fried fish. Good thing the young lad arrived just in time, with over-flowing concern for his expensive tiles, and saved Tenten before she suffered fatal hemorrhage. More importantly, they finally had a meal which isn't chicharon._

_Now let us take a look at the next colorful chapter of our telenovela which doesn't have the slightest significance to the practical everyday living lessons learned from your Home Economics teacher. By the way, some scenes may be dangerous to your health. Keep out of reach of children. Parental guidance is advised. What you don't know won't hurt you as long as you don't know it hurts. Laugh moderately. And if symptoms persist, insult your doctor._

…………………….

Tenten has been living for some months now in the Hyuuga mansion. Even though it was hard on the part of the young lad, he had slowly accepted the fact that our heroine, little by little, was becoming a part of his life.

The kitchen was not a kitchen without the lass creating magic with her fish-based meals she dubbed as exotic dishes. His laundry was not the same without Tenten there, hanging up his clothes, his underwear arranged according to color. (Damn, now every guest who visits his mansion, even the entire neighborhood, knows he has four pairs of red briefs.)

In short, he had grown used to having a pain in the ass in his life. However, there wouldn't be a story without a conflict, right, kids? (That's your cue: do the tango, and pretend you're watching Blues Clues)

Anyway, here's the orchestrated plot twist for the young lass' story…

"Neji, you've got mail!" Tenten cheerfully delivered the envelope to the boy's hand. "Who ever thought someone would waste a stamp on you!"

Neji glared at her. "I would appreciate a little respect on your part, Tenten."

She grinned. "Why, Hyuuga Neji, you think I silently mock your noble name? Perish that thought!" Peering down, she looked at his letter. "But in fairness, at first I didn't want to believe the letter was yours until I saw your name on the envelope. Is that a love letter? A gift pack from your favorite men's magazine? Maybe they finally chose your True Confessions submission!"

"You're the one subscribed to that magazine, not me," muttered Neji.

"You're the one with something to confess, not me," said Tenten. "Besides, you also read it!

"What did you expect me to do? Every time you read it you always sit beside me!"

"Who told you to read along with me anyway?"

Hinata, who was standing behind Neji, peered at the handwriting on the letter. "Kuya Neji, it's from Father."

Neji's attention was shifted away from the men-oriented literature. "The last time he wrote, he only asked for my current address. I wonder what he wants this time?" He read the letter's content.

"So, what did he say?" asked Tenten eagerly.

"Ah… He said that… WAIT JUST A MOMENT! Why do I need to give an account of it to you?" he demanded, keeping the letter behind him.

"Because I love to gossip?" Tenten, with a shrug.

"Well, guess what? I'm NOT telling. It is my letter!" Neji possessively tightened his grip on the stationery.

"Touchy." Tenten proceeded to clear dining table.

"Kuya Neji, what did Father say in his letter?" asked Hinata.

Her cousin's eyes narrowed at her. "What, you love to gossip as well?"

Hinata blushed. "Kuya, it's only natural that I feel concerned. Father is my kin."

"Heh. Ok, so you gossipers will be happy, Uncle just said that he already knows my address," announced Neji.

Disbelieving looks from both women.

"But I've seen four paragraphs! Don't tell me all of those were _questions_!" said Naruto from behind.

"So what?" Neji snapped.

"Tee-hee!" Naruto used his quick reflexes to take the letter from Neji's hand, then read it out loud. "'_Neji, my nephew who is the only one in the world… how are you? How is my daughter Hinata? How is my adopted son Naruto? How is the weather? How is the gate? How is everything?_'"

Neji faced Hinata, eyebrow cocked. "I see Uncle's still meticulous."

Naruto continued to read the rest of the letter. "'_Anyway, don't answer me anymore. I do not care. I do not care about you. I do not care about Hinata. I do not care about Naruto. I do not give a damn about the house, and the garden, the food, the dog…_'"

"Pardon my rudeness to your family member, but I think your uncle has gone nuts," commented Tenten to Neji.

"O-Oh, I'm very sorry, Miss Tenten," apologized Hinata quickly. "I'm sorry for Father…It's just that sometimes—-"

"At least now I now someone's loose bolts wasn't by coincidence. It's _hereditary_," added the brown-haired woman, chuckling.

"Damn you." Neji.

"'_Anyway, enough eliminations…_'"

"Don't you mean preliminaries?" asked Tenten.

"Comprehend it as you please," said Neji, sighing. "Uncle is a Frustrated English teacher."

"Really? I think so, too," she said, scratching her head.

"He's also a frustrated ballet dancer," informed the male Hyuuga, "and a frustrated TV Idol. Frustrated gigolo, frustrated balut vendor, frustrated singer, frustrated pilot, frustrated flight stewardess… he's very frustrated in life."

Tenten's eyes widened. "Oh… how… frustrating…"

"'_Neji, your cousin had just married, and soon she would have a baby. That baby would be my grandson, and I would be his grandpa. It touches the very bottom inside me—_'"

A snicker, unmistakably from Tenten.

"'_-- but I am still unhappy, because of knowing the knowledge that you are alone and single in your life. That is why I, being the clan head, am ordering you to show me proof of evidence beyond unreasonable doubt that you intend to make me a grandpa of your future kids. I summarize in one question: Do you have balls?'_"

Neji's face darkened.

"'_Do not laugh, because I am not laughing. I am seriously serious. I will visit you soon and I will bring a fertile woman, whom you must censored, and censored, and REALLY censored, so that in nine months, you will have a kid. A kid to be my grandchild. Do you understand? If not, I will repeat. You MUST censored, and censored, and REALLY censored—'"_

"Oh damn." Dark aura started to emanate from the Hyuuga.

"Your uncle has a funny way of being serious," remarked Tenten, smiling. "Get it, Neji?" she nudged his ribs with her elbow.

He grunted.

"'_I am expecting a response from you, nephew. Make it soon, if not sooner, but maybe soonest will also do. Nevertheless, you can text me in this number 0917--). While at it, send me some load, ok. Your Uncle, Uncle._'"

Neji collapsed on his seat, meditating on what he had just heard.

"K-Kuya Neji, a-about Father…" Hinata seemed to hesitate, wanting to tell her cousin something.

"Heh. You want to try to talk some sense to him?" He scowled. "Your Father doesn't listen to anybody. I'll deal with this."

Tenten sat down beside him, crossing her legs. "You seem problematic. Was it because your sexuality was questioned?"

"No."

"Then what is it?" she asked. "Maybe I can help."

"Lend me 100 bucks. I need to buy Uncle some load," he replied.

Everyone watched as Neji bought some load, sent his text message, then smiled as if planning something. About what? Now that was what Tenten was dying to know. After living with the lad for so long, she had grown very much familiar of his mannerisms. And that smile he was currently wearing, was the same smile he wore everytime he would poke fun of his cousin's husband, or whenever he would play with the bees in the grass outside: first, catching it, then keeping it prisoner inside a Coke bottle, then drenching it with rubbing alcohol.

Later that night, while Tenten was cooling herself by the balcony, she felt a presence behind her. She looked back to see who it was.

"Neji, oi, what winds drove you here?" she asked, recognizing immediately the Hyuuga.

"I want to talk," he said simply.

"Talk about what? World peace?" she wanted to know. "I'm not interested with those sort of stuff, so how about if we just do that tête-à-tête some other time… like maybe, in the next lifetime?"

Neji moved beside her, ignoring what she said. Instead, he asked, "You wanted to get pigs for your chicharon right?"

"Of course," said the woman in a puzzled tone. "That's my life's work. That's my _career_."

"Very well." Neji looked at her, an earnest expression on his face. "The pigs are free."

Tenten gaped at him, shocked. "You set them free from their pens?"

Neji rolled his eyes. "No, what I meant was… we'll talk about that now. I'm giving you those pigs for free for your business… all of them."

Tenten's eyes widened. "Really? As in, for real? My gosh, Neji—"

"Under one condition…"

"I know," said Tenten, sighing. "There's always been one, in all the soaps I've watched. So what's on your mind?"

Neji turned his gaze at the evening skies. "I sent Uncle a message saying he doesn't need to bring a fertile woman anymore. I said…well, I said, I already have a fiancée, as beautiful as Helen of Troy, as graceful as a swan, and as refined as a member of the royal family from England."

Tenten felt her face redden. "A-ah… I'm really not as pretty as Helen… and I cannot personally claim that I'm a swan… and I'm not sure my roots came from England…"

Neji blinked. "What?"

"You're going to ask me to be your fiancée, right?" she laughed nervously.

Neji bellowed with laughter. "I'm still in my right mind, Tenten. Why in the world would I ask _you_ to pretend to become my fiancée?" he asked. "You'll be the last person I'll ask of that. You're not any one of those three things I mentioned."

Tenten turned away, embarrassed. "From the way you explained things, that's the conclusion I came up with. Fine, I was mistaken. So what will be my role then?"

"You're the person who knows the population of Konoha," said Neji, "and I want you to find a girl that would fit the requirements: beautiful, graceful, refined…"

"So I would find you a girl that would meet all those requirements… check. Then I would get pigs for my business for free?"

"Yes," smiled Neji. "That'll be done. And if I am satisfied with your choice, you'll receive a bonus."

"You mean that?" Her eyes gleamed. "Oh, ok! How about if I ask for a house?"

"No problem."

"With a door and some windows, and a roof and a ceiling?"

"Ever heard of a house without those?"

"I was just being thorough," she defended herself. "And it can accommodate human-sized creatures?"

He frowned.

"What if you build a doghouse instead? In transacting business, we have to be very concrete." Tenten snapped her fingers, as if remembering something. "Oh yes, and it should have an Olympic-size swimming pool! Indoors."

Neji blinked, then shrugged. "Fine."

Tenten finally grinned and shook hands with him. "Deal!" She looked at him curiously. "By the way, why is your Uncle so impatient in having grandchildren? Don't tell me he's a frustrated father… or a frustrated mother?"

"He just wants to tease me," replied Neji. "He knows the thought of leaving my bachelor days is farthest from my mind right now."

"Being married also have its positive points," said Tenten. "For example you'll no longer be alone."

Neji smirked. "Heh. I'm used to being alone. When I was inside my mother's womb, I was alone. When I was in my crib, I was alone. When I was attending preparatory school—"

"OK I get it. You're a loner."

Neji wasn't quite finished with his explanation yet. "When I die and lie inside my coffin, I will be alone. I don't want to get used to have someone to lean on to. That's how people get lonely, by knowing happiness."

"You're really morbid, Neji," she complained. "You're already thinking about the end of your life, but how about the time in between your prep and coffin period? Do you still want to be alone? Don't you want to have someone to accompany you?"

"I don't want to search for something I don't know."

"But you're wasting your life. You're missing so much…"

Neji shrugged. "I don't know how much your "much" is so I don't really mind. Besides, don't try to sound so concerned."

Tenten suddenly stopped, feeling the mild teasing in his voice. "O-Ok, Good night, Neji."

Neji stopped her."Tenten, just a while, I want to ask something."

She looked at him, puzzled.

A taunting smile slowly spread on his face. "Why did you think that I would offer you to be my fiancée?"

Tenten stepped back, eyes wide, cheeks flushed. "A-Ah… N-Nothing special. As if you don't know me, I say things in random. Really." She laughed forcibly. "Good night! I need to wake up early tomorrow to start looking for the perfect girl for you. Nighty-night!" She fled, almost running towards her room as if it was a safe haven from a raging storm outside.

A storm named Neji, whose eyes were still trained on the fleeing girl. "…random, eh?" He crossed his arms. "Right."

……………………

_At last a semi-sort of solid plot for our soap. What was Hinata supposed to tell Tenten? Will Tenten be able to find Neji's dream girl? And would be it in time for Hiashi's arrival? And why is our heroine affected by the Hyuuga lad? More importantly, how come there are only a few eggs inside the 10 php pugo eggs (pugo, a type of bird XD) sold at the bus station in Sierra Madre? Watch out for the answers here on the next chapter of… Chicharong Flower…_


	5. Chapter 5

_Previously on Chicharong Flower…_

_Neji had a deal with Tenten that in exchange for free pigs that she could use in her chicharong flower business, she would find him a proper fiancée that he could present to Hiashi, one that could meet her conditions. Naturally, since it meant freebies, Tenten seized the opportunity. However, she hadn't prepared herself for what was in store for her: when she was asked on the spot by Neji why she felt that he would ask her to play the role for Uncle Hiashi. It was worse than being floored in the Q&A portion of a beauty pageant, so she ended up running away, leaving Neji amused._

_Now we continue…_

……………………

Tenten, for the first time after several hours of staring at the screen unblinkingly, finally smiled, though exhausted.

Her mission was successful! After screening all the girls that belonged to her network in Friendster, she finally saw the right woman for Hyuuga Neji!

She scowled a little when she remembered what happened yesterday. Neji accompanied her then in the fiancée hunting to learn the mechanics of her latest business.

"_That one… she looked pretty enough," said Neji, who was seated on a computer chair to her right. He was also looking at the computer screen, like her. "Why didn't you view the rest of her profile?"_

"_Ne-ji, earth to Hyuuga Neji!" She rolled her eyes. "Can't you see? She only has one picture in her gallery, and it's a beauty queen type of pic! It's very suspicious!"_

_He smiled. "You just can't accept the fact that there are other girls prettier than you."_

_She gave him an exasperated sigh, as if she was talking to a kid "My man, believe me. I am just looking after your welfare. What if the fiancée you get is really a beauty title holder, but of Ms. Gay Universe, right?"_

_He pointed to the screen. "What about that one? Why didn't you get her, too? All her pics in her gallery are the same."_

"_Neji, can't you at least have some taste when it comes to your partner preference?" Tenten pointed to the interests of the girl. "What kind of hobbies are those? Texting, shopping, reading pocketbooks, watching TV…do you want to have a lazy, unproductive woman for a lifetime partner?"_

_Neji frowned. "But I would just be introducing her to Uncle Hiashi only once. You're taking things too seriously."_

"_Naturally!" she exclaimed, her eyebrow arched. "Neji, you will be introducing her to your clan. It follows that even if it's all just pretend, you will still make your reasons for wanting that woman as realistically as possible." She looked at the said profile again with disgust. "Go over her hobbies again! Is that the kind of mother you want your future offspring to have!"_

"_OK, OK, sorry if I interrupted you." He was quiet as she scrolled down the profiles some more. After a while, he perked up. "How about that one?" He pointed to the hobbies. "Gardening, doing household chores, embroidery, and cooking. That would do, wouldn't it?"_

_Tenten grimaced. "Neji, are you ok? Those aren't the qualities of a wife…those are a maid's. Give me a break, Neji!"_

_The man groaned as she scrolled down the page once more. "You always have some kind of complaint in all of the women I pick" He smirked. "Why don't you just admit it? You don't want me to get married.""_

_Her heart and throat nearly collided at his sudden question. But her composure remained; the only sign that she was flustered for a time there was the tightened grip on her mouse._

"_It's not that, silly. I was just thinking of the pigs I would get for my business once I do my job satisfactorily." She didn't know where she got her killer toothpaste smile that she was able to flash, but she managed to produce one. She felt like celebrating. "Hyuuga Neji, sometimes, your Narcissus alter-ego shows."_

"_Really?" His smile said anything but belief with what she said. Oh Lord, how she wanted to deliver a flying kick on his mocking face at that moment._

Tenten looked at the profile again, all smiles. Damn that Neji, making fun of her like that…

She grinned. At least, her problem was solved. Her job was done.

She sent a message to the woman.

----------------

"I have great news for all of you!" Tenten announced the next morning.

"You will be able to sell chicharong flower again?" Hinata.

"You already know how to cook other meals aside from chicharon, fried fish, and balut?" Neji.

"You will marriage my brother-in-law?" Naruto.

Tenten rolled her eyes. "As if!" She sighed dramatically. "Anyway, Hyuuga Neji, you're the one concerned here, so listen closely."

Neji looked at her expectantly. "You will confirm what Naruto said?"

"Nah…but I do have some other gal I can recommend. Your future fiancée…" She held out a piece of paper she had just finished printing. "Voila!"

The three stared at the picture. A cheerful-looking long-haired blonde who was holding out a peace sign was posed on the photo.

"Her name is Yamanaka Ino. She is the only daughter of a rich florist that runs the flowers distribution for the parlors all over the country," she introduced.

"S-She doesn't look familiar…" murmured Hinata.

"They're new in the business."

"Flowers aren't that needed in parlors," protested Neji, pondering on what the beauticians do with the flowers. Come to think of it, he was no frequenter of a beauty parlor. His dad was, a patron of hair rebonding. But him, a big no. The first and last time he entered one, he was traumatized. The jutsu of the gay beauticians who obviously had the hots for him had a far more frightening power than that of Kyuubi within Naruto.

"I don't know what kind of civilization you were reared in, Hyuuga Neji, but in our culture, we honor our dead with flowers,": Tenten groaned, massaging her temples nya.

Neji sweatdropped. Oh. A _funeral_ parlor..

"So Uncle will not kill you anymore?" Naruto turned to Neji.

"The woman you chose looks decent by all standards, Tenten. Surely, Uncle won't doubt her anymore." Neji smiled. "Nice job, Tenten."

She nearly choked. Despite the dozen of horns that Hyuuga Neji had when teasing her, he had that uncanny ability of looking like an adorable angel if he wanted to…and instant at that! "What 'nice job'?" she asked, doing her best to sound casual. "Don't forget the pigs for my chicharon!"

"Let's see first if the girl would be effective," said Neji.

"Oh come on, Hyuuga Neji why would I deceive you? You know very well how much I respect and look up to you!" She sat down and began her meal. "Should I arrange her for her activities once Hinata's dad comes?"

"Won't you even give me time to know that woman better?" Neji protested. "What if she doesn't size up to my expectations?"

Tenten choked. The audacity of this guy…"Neji, there are no more options." She crossed her arms. "It's either her or humiliation in your uncle's hands."

His eyes twinkled peculiarly. "I can always choose you."

The married couple was silenced; after a moment, Hinata dragged her protesting husband away. Leaving the two alone. Tenten looked down, quietly resuming her interrupted meal.

"Cat got your tongue?" he asked teasingly.

"Do you see a cat around the premises?" she asked, raising her gaze only a bit. His latest wisecrack still had a chill of an impact in her.

"So why did your machine gun-like mouth suddenly run out of fuel?" he wanted to know.

"Do we use fuels for machine guns?" she retorted.

He shrugged. "So…about my question…why the sudden speechlessness?"

She paused, then shrugged. "I just couldn't believe that you're already starting to have some sense of humor…with me as the butt of it, unfortunately."

He chuckled lightly, sending her heartbeat into a marathon mode. "You amuse me. It's just so obvious that you like me…"

"Do you deliver the same lines to the doves that come to you when you feed them?" she retorted. "Neji, admittedly, you are good-looking. You can join an Idol search and set a world record for the most number of votes received. You're also rich, making you quite a prize catch." She placed her chopsticks down. "But you know what? I don't care about those things. I prefer a guy who…" She halted when she realized that their conversation had reached a personal turn.

He nodded, as if fascinated by her speech. "Go on."

"I want someone… I could keep. I don't like you: you're just too _high_…you're like heaven, and I am earth. You are like water while I am like oil. You're like happiness and I the misery. You're the Hershey's while I am a plain cocoa. The difference is too visible.

"Besides, I have too many rivals if I do choose to want you…even the security guard of your subdivision will become my rival. You're not that lovable for me to think of battling against your harem!" She looked at Neji again, who looked dazed after she revealed that the guard of the place who would gaze at him so often actually harbored secret feelings for him. This made Tenten smile.

Neji shook his head. "Are women in denial like that, always speaking too much?"

She blinked. "Wow, I give up. Your self-confidence is way too much, even for me. You really should donate some of it to other people, as yours is already overflowing."

And that was how their conversation ended that morning.

-------------------------

"Hello, may I please speak with Miss Yamanaka Ino? Please tell her that I was her client who made an inquiry through Friendster," said Tenten, playing with the cord of the telephone. "Yes, I'm a client! Why, is there a law stating that it's against the Constitution to close business deals through Friendster?"

Neji, on the other hand, watched her, entertainment written on his face. As time passed, he felt that it was becoming easier for him to be open with his emotions, especially when he was with this spunky chicharon vendor. It was hard to fight the weapon that was her laughter which was naturally conceived with the rest of her.

"Nope, I don't want to give you my cellphone number! I don't want a textmate! I ask for loans from all my textmates and never pay them back! You'll end up a beggar when you become my friend!" she snapped at whoever was on the other end of the line. "No, I don't want or need a boyfriend! My dead husband would visit me if I find myself a new one! And oh yes, his mother is a ghoul! Once she learns that you're hitting on me…wait, why don't you just give the phone to Miss Ino?" She paused, listening to what the other line was saying. Her eyes suddenly narrowed. "Heeey, I'm not gay! I'm a girl—why, you smartass! I'm not a lesbian either! I told you I was married! Yes, married, past tense, but…geez, I don't want you to be my textmate, period! I'll have my mother-in-law ambush you, remember that! She's a real flesh-lusting old woman—hello?" Her eyes light up. "Wow, Ms. Ino, FINALLY! He gave you the phone! Who was that autistic I was talking to awhile ago? He's so annoying! I had been pleading with him for eons to give you the phone but…anyway, I wish that guy won't bear kids so his idiotic genes wouldn't spread.."

The other line spoke, then the female's eyes widened. Neji grew even more curious.

"E-Eh? He's your dad?"

That did it. Neji erupted in a crisp peal of laughter. Behind him, the door opened, with Naruto and Hinata's heads peeking in curiously.

Tenten placed her hand over the receiver, glaring at Neji. "Quiet! Don't be so difficult, I'm speaking with someone on the phone." She turned her attention back to the receiver. "H-Huh? Ahaha, no, it's not my kid who I was scolding. Believe it or not, it's the guy that I was telling you about—the one who needs our help."

Neji, shaking his head, cupped his chin with his palm and gazed at Tenten intently. The woman's face was animated as she detailed to Ino the rest of their plans. He couldn't help but notice how high spirits become her— he couldn't imagine not seeing her eyes blazing or twinkling in mirth. Her razor-sharp tongue may belie it, but her delightfully interesting countenance speak volumes about this girl. She was not as opaque as she presumes herself to be.

She wasn't as stunningly beautiful as some of those girls in Friendster were, but it was her personality that added character to her plain looks.

"Had I been an ice cream, I would have already melted."

He snapped out of his trance. The lady had long put down the phone and was now merely looking at him. Watching him watching her. Though embarrassed, he had learned to deal with it coolly. The weeks he had spent with her proved to him true the adage that "the one who loses his head first loses the battle". He had to thank her for that one of these days.

"If you were, indeed, an ice cream, I would not have allowed you to melt. I would have already eaten you." He smiled at her vexingly, especially when those telltale blushes crept on her face. Pretty, pretty Tenten…

"W-Well I'm not an ice cream," she stammered.

"I still feel like eating you anyway." His eyes went to her slightly-parted mouth. How many times had he found himself thinking about those lips? For quite some nights, he was driven insane by the thought that those lips deemed his kiss as a jellyfish kiss no jutsu. It felt like a safety pin piercing his ego balloon.

Now he was out to see whether she would still think of seafood when he kisses her…

……….

Tenten shrank back. She didn't like the way he was looking at her –as if she was really something as detectable as ice cream. But wait, she would be a hypocrite if she wouldn't admit to herself that she was liking that thought anyhow!

But she could not accept that she would be the one to hold down the banner of empowered women! No way, never, NADA! She would stand by her words: she did not like Hyuuga Neji! Even if he looked so darn cute when he smiles, or that her heart palpitates like so when he laughs. She really liked the way he laughed—there was still a certain level of huskiness in it, making it sound more like a sexy chuckle.

Damn, why did she suddenly think of him that way? Her eyes widened when his finger delicately landed on the beating pulse of her neck. She knew it. She was just lost for a few moments in her racing thoughts, and she hadn't sensed that this monkey had already managed to cross the distance between them!

His head lowered towards her. his piercing gaze roving on her face.

Before she would end up doing something she would regret, she pushed him away. "W-Wait, I remember I have to do something…"

"Oh?" Indulgence was on his face—something she was growing more and more familiar with, as days passed..

"Y-Yeah. I-I'm following a series on TV…" She looked at the clock. "A-Ah…Twin Sisters: 100 Señorita. There's a sweetheart there." With that, she ran out of the room, nearly colliding with the couple. She didn't look surprised to see them eavesdropping there though,

Still shaking his head, Neji sat down, intending to recall the fun intimacy he had with the chicharong flower vendor awhile ago. Good Lord knows when did he last have this much fun.

……..

"Believe us, Anabelle. Peter is only deceiving you!" Felicity.

"Don't pretend to be one of the good guys! Peter is the only one who loves me!" Annabelle raised her chin in defiance.

Tenten watched the two characters onscreen interact, but her attention wasn't really there… okay, sometimes, it was there, especially when the hunk Wallace was in the scene. But mostly, her mind lingered on what nearly transpired between her and Neji.

Hah, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on Batman! If Neji used the shock factor to score one over her, well, it would never happen again! Not when he was that deliberate, as if confident that she would be putty in his hands.

"If only he wasn't a conceited pig…" she hissed. She tucked her knees under her chin. "But…it wouldn't be possible also…because…he sees me the way he sees suction cups. Something to suck and blow air with. Not husband material, if I say so myself. But then again…" She cupped her face. "…what if…" She glanced at the TV screen, and then shrieked. "You're so cuuuute, Wallace!!! Dump Felicity already! Be mine!!!"

…………………….

_So in the end, the feelings between the two weren't cleared up. Anyway, what will happen when Yamanaka Ino arrives in the scene? And Hiashi, too? What if it was Wallace who comes instead? These, and more questions will be answered in the next chapter of Chicharong Flower._

………………………………………

CHAPTER 6 PREVIEW

Because the remote was located at the other side of Neji, she had no choice but to face him. "Could you pass me the remote?"

He shrugged, and then handed the device to her. She took it, but as she was about to withdraw her hand, his finger pressed on the power button. The screen went black. With that, he threw the remote towards the door.

"N-Neji, don't you have good manners and right conduct!" She looked at the distance between her bed and the control. Too far. She's too lazy to get up.

But instead of staying in a position where she could be vulnerable to the young man, she chose to stand up.

She was about to get up when he spoke up.

"Tenten stay still"

She didn't know why, but the soft words commanded her whole body to submit to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Previously on Chicharong Flower…**

Tenten valiantly fought the call of the fafable (1) Neji, in the name of the descendants of all the feminists of the nation. But how long could she resist him? It's Omi's fave chapter playing now :D

…………………………..

"What's taking her so long? Damn" Neji got up and paced the living room back and forth nervously.

_He's worse than a Santa who missed ten Christmases_, Tenten thought while watching the young man destroy the antique marble tiles of the floor by doing excessive unnecessary walk-a-thons.

"Neji, why won't you sit down and calm your nerves? Do you want to suffer from high blood? You're not exactly eating a proper balanced diet" she reminded him.

He frowned. "Your chicharon will kill me sooner or later." He looked at the clock.

"Where is that Friendster-girl? We told her to be here by seven! It's already 7:08 and she's not here yet! Look!"

"Fi-an-cee. Learn how to call your fiancée properly will you. If you slip when you face Uncle, you and your balls are dead." She rolled her eyes at that. "Also, love, do you think everyone's time is synchronized with the military's? Why can't you just be thankful that there's someone who answered my ad?"

"There's someone bound to answer that. You see, in the pocketbooks Hinata owns, there's always something good happening to the ladies who jump into these kind of agreements. In one I read, someone looking for a partner advertised using the front page of a broadsheet! It becomes disguised obituaries." Neji muttered, finally sitting. "Those kind of stories push girls to do that kind of insanely insensible stunts like answering your ad on the net…"

Tenten had to smile "Eh Neji, those are pocketbooks. You read pocketbooks to become smitten, not sensible." She grinned some more. "And why are you complaining, anyway? Didn't you get at least affected by what you've read?"

"I did but—". Neji stopped after realizing what he just unwittingly revealed.

Tenten burst in laughter.

"Damn, I was bored then! I just read those pocketbooks because I had nothing else to do!" yelled the Hyuuga, but the young lady only laughed some more. In the end, he chose to look away feigning exasperation even though what he really wanted to do right now is collect all those pocketbooks and throw them altogether into the Pacific Ocean.

Then suddenly a scene returned to his mind. He smiled then turned to the laughing lady. "I noticed… in those pocketbooks I've read, the guy always kisses the girl when she's angry. How come he never does that when the girl is laughing?"

Slowly Tenten stopped laughing. Heavy silence hung in the living room.

"Oh, what happened to you?" he asked, the mocking smile still poised in his lips.

"Y-You're seducing me," Tenten tried to inch backwards but his hands were quick to hold her back. She gulped inwardly "S-See? Neji! Does your clan know how you're being such a tease?"

"Hmm?" He was thoroughly enjoying this.

"N-Neji! Oi N-Neji… no… no" She watched his face draw closer and closer, sending her heart in a ferris wheel ride. "No… fair…" She closed her eyes in helplessness. What kind of black magic did this man have aside from being damn handsome and over flowingly blessed with virility?

She opened her eyes and nearly gasped. There was something in his eyes—that isn't the same familiar mocking gaze he usually have. There was uncertainty in those almost colorless orbs, and yes, even fascination.

He was fascinated with her. She nearly fainted.

"Um… I don't think I'm still needed here…"

The stranger's voice made them jump apart quickly. She turned her eyes to the door and saw Yamanaka Ino gazing at them with some amusement. At her back stood a yawning man, who seemed awfully familiar…

"Y-You! You're the one I asked where Hyuuga Neji was, right?" she suddenly shouted, pointing at the man.

Ino turned to her companion. "You know her, Shika?"

He shrugged. "In a manner of speaking, yes" He looked measuringly at the pallid-eyed man beside her, then shrugged. "You already found Hyuuga Neji yet you didn't bother coming back to give me my bilao (2) of chicharon"

Neji looked at her incredulously "You mean you had been killing other people aside from me with your chicharon?" He almost sounded hurt, almost. He was Hyuuga Neji after all. He had no ability to get offended at anything, save probably his kissing ability.

"Stupid!" Tenten rolled her eyes. "I don't have the pigs yet. What did you want me to make chicharon from, vegetables?"

Ino cleared her throat. "Um… Miss Tenten, I just want to know one thing, do you still need me here or not?

"No!" Neji.

"Yes!" Tenten.

The three looked at each other. Shikamaru was looking at his nails.

Neji cleared his throat. "I meant… you don't need to ask that. That's the reason for the ad right."

Ino blinked. "Sure?" She was quietly referring to the scene she arrived at.

Tenten was quick to explain. "A-Ah… about _that_… that was nothing! I-It's a hobby of ours to have a… staring contest! W-Whoever blinks first, um… will be pinched. Yeah! That's right, he would be pinched really HARD!"

The blonde slowly nodded, half amused. "O-Okay…"

"Let's go inside! I cooked a special meal just for you!" said the brown-haired girl, and started moving towards the dining room "Fried fish!!!"

"Unbelievable" Shikamaru muttered shaking his head.

-------------------------------

"Okay, from the top…" Tenten looked down at her notepad, and then back at the expectant Ino and silent Neji. Shikamaru was leaning against the sofa, feeling much at home. "Ino, where did you and Neji meet?"

"While going to church to attend Hinata's wedding," dutifully answered the blonde. "He nearly killed me…"

"What happened next?" asked the girl.

"He caught the bouquet…" at the back, Shikamaru shook his head.

Ino sighed. "Don't mind him. He was forced by Papa to accompany me."

Shika opened one eye. "He doesn't want you to lose your way— and end up in the Uchiha Sasuke highway, specifically."

"Uchiha Sasuke?" The chicharon vendor's eyes widened. "Wooow, cooool! He was the winner of Mr. Konoha Universe, right?"

Ino grinned. "YEAH!!! The one and only! He's soooo handsome, ne?"

The males in the room groaned at the same time.

"He _is_ good looking…" Tenten shrugged. "The type that gay men go after…"

Neji coughed. "What happened after catching the bouquet?" His face dark, a sign of displeasure from the sudden shift of topic.

Ino had no more chance to give a retort to Tenten's statement. "Well, I was the one who fit the garter in since nobody else wanted to volunteer."

Tenten played with her pen, trying to ignore her pounding heartbeat. She didn't understand why Neji chose this situation for their act. According to him, it is easier to recall events which did happen than those made-up.

But of all possible situations, why did it have to be _theirs_?

"Then you drove me home. But my house was burning when we got there. I was homeless so you offered me to stay at your place."

As the scene unfolded, Tenten's heart seemed to be pounding louder and louder. She was still confused as to what the young man was thinking to concoct a situation such as this, but at the same time, she was annoyed at the traitorous reaction she's feeling.

_Why did he use our story?_

"…That's why until I find a new home, you'd let me stay here!" Ino ended cheerfully. "Did I get it right, Tenten?" Her forehead creased when she saw the kunoichi's faraway gaze. "Tenten?"

That seemed to bring her back. She forced a smile across her face even though it looks like an Akamaru-grin. "Y-Yes." She stood up then turned around, stretching. "W-Wait… I'll just be in front of the TV, ok…"

"_Twin Sisters_ already ended, right?" Neji asked.

"Y-Yes… b-but I have a new show to catch… _Snow Angel_." She didn't dare turn their way, especially Neji. She was just too afraid to give him even a glimpse of how much it affected her that he didn't think she was good enough to play the role of his fiancée… even though it was all an act. "C-Ciao…"

She heard Neji call her name, but didn't bother replying. Her eyes… they were already damp.

…………………………..

An hour and a half passed, when the lock from Tenten's door suddenly opened. Since her attention was pinned to what she was watching, she only muttered a simple "Come in". Maybe it was just Hinata bringing her some snacks. Uzumaki Naruto's wife was very thoughtful.

But it was the cousin of the wife of Uzumaki Naruto who sat beside her, silent.

She tried to ignore him—the fight between the swordsman and the Doppelganger (3) was starting to get interesting—but it looks like she'll be having a hard time to. His silence was pressuring her to speak up.

And speak up she did. "That's Roan. He kicks ass! He killed the Clock Tower Manager."

"Nice," he said. "What's his jutsu called?"

"Nothing special. He has Magnum Break, but I haven't seen him do Bash or Provoke yet."

"Ah." As if the young man had an idea what Bash and Provoke were. Silence resumed.

Commercial break came, and it was that time again when she could catch her beloved Kogure. (4) Because the remote was located at the other side of Neji, she had no choice but to face him. "Could you pass me the remote?"

He shrugged, and then handed the device to her. She took it, but as she was about to withdraw her hand, his finger pressed on the power button. The screen went black. With that, he threw the remote towards the door.

"N-Neji, don't you have good manners and right conduct?" She looked at the distance between her bed and the control. Too far. She's too lazy to get up.

But instead of staying in a position where she could be vulnerable to the young man, she chose to stand up. She was about to get up when he spoke up.

"Tenten stay still"

She didn't know why, but the soft words commanded her whole body to submit to him.

"Ino and I have been practicing for more than an hour," he began.

"H-How's the training?" She looked at the clock. The commercial break's probably over. Takius and company might already have been run over by the Nightmare horse.

"I couldn't concentrate."

"Eh?" she asked, eyes on the screen. She wished the TV would automatically open and change its channel back to the program she's watching. Only thing is, she was afraid water from a well would come out instead. She shook her head, shrugging off goose bumps.

"Didn't you hear what I said?" Neji yelled suddenly.

"H-Huh?" She looked up, her mind filled with "Seven days…" She now regretted acting courageously and watched that film alone.

"I said, I… forget it." He stood, looking annoyed at the lack of attention she was giving him. He reached for the TV and pressed it on. The heroes were already out of Geffen Tower.

Neji was about to head for the door when she got up and turned the TV off. Anyway, the show was already over. "Neji, please, I'll listen. What's the matter?" she asked, following him towards the hallway.

"Nothing, it's nothing"

"Neji…"

"Leave me already."

"You're so sensitive."

"I said, leave me alone!!!" he barked.

She blinked and then turned away shrugging.

He came back to his senses. "Tenten…"

She turned to him warily. "Yes?"

"I couldn't perform our rehearsals properly. Something is holding me back," he confessed at last.

She frowned. "You're gay?"

He groaned. "No, of course not"

"Just making sure." If so, she, and that security guard from their subdivision, would be devastated.

"I can't stop thinking about you."

The words made her whole world stop its revolution. She slowly turned back to him, heart pounding again.

Her gaze was met by his own sincere and frustrated one.

"I-If you're thinking I bewitched you, that's not it…"

"I have a solution," he said quickly. "Maybe this will end it."

"Let's hear it" She hugged herself. Unlike her earlier fear for Sadako, now she was feeling anticipation and excitement.

"I want to kiss you… again." His voice was firm and steady, but there was a surge of urgency in it too. "Maybe… when my curiosity is satisfied, I'd return to normal."

Her sense of reality slowly returned. "W-What? Do you think I'm some kind of disease? A temporary obstacle to the normal functioning of your system?"

"I didn't say anything like that."

"It's the same thing!" she snapped, eyes crinkling in anger. "I'm a menace to your life, is that it?"

Frustration is now clearly painted on his face. "Stop putting words into my mouth!"

"Because you can't be man enough to tell me the truth!" She whirled around, but he, as usual, had anticipated her move. His hand roughly grabbed her waist and pulled her towards him.

"Ok, you want to hear the truth?" His eyes also crinkling. "I'm irritated at myself for ever kissing you. From then on, I couldn't seem to forget about it!"

"Why? Was it because I said you kiss like a jellyfish and got your ego bruised?" she hissed. "You're really bad at accepting the truth."

You're lying," he said through gritted teeth. "I can see it in your eyes every time. You want my kiss. You ache for it, damn it!"

Her chest wanted to explode from being too upset. Was she really like that? Did she really want him too?

"Tenten…" She nearly jumped when she felt the gentleness that replaced his voice, and the feathery touch of his fingertips on her cheeks. His husky voice was murmuring softly. "Sorry…so sorry…I didn't…I didn't mean to…"

"H-Huh?" She was taken by the words of her companion that she forgot the situation they're in.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." His eyes were troubled, that was for sure. How many times has she seen emotions change from his eyes? Laughter and annoyance were the only ones she always see. Apparently, she was wrong, He could look so soulful when he was looking like this.

"T-Tears?" She absent-mindedly touched her cheeks and yes, indeed she was crying. "H-Ha… ahahaha… w-why am I crying? It's just dirt caught on my eye… why would I cry because of you? You're my beloved." The last phrase she meant as a light-hearted statement broke into rough sobs. The next thing she felt was, his arms wrapping around her, rocking her gently as she wailed loudly the streams of incoherent words of her stupid, stupid heart. Mostly his name, and profanities in between.

And he only hugged her more, whispering apologies. There and then she knew he was lovable…very, very lovable. He was, in fact, capable of making her fall in love with a mere snap of his finger.

Which he already did.

And God she was so stupid. She was no different from the heroines of pocketbooks and soap operas she used to laugh at before. She was downright pathetic.

And she wasn't sure if she would still have the guts to look at him in the eye ever again.

"Tenten?" She nearly punched him for breaking the silence, but really couldn't do anything. She wiped her eyes and forced a cheerful smile.

"I-I'll go in now. I'll be watching the news…maybe my favorite reporter hunk will be there."

"Wait…"

"Tell Hinata to cook tonight ok? I'll be busy watching until the late-night documentaries." With that, she left without turning back.

_Never look back._ She didn't want to get hit on the head again.

-------------------------

to be continued…

**SIDE NOTES**

1) Fafable – in Pinoy gay lingo, "boyfriend material"; corrupted word for "papa".

2) bilao - a round container usually used for tossing uncooked rice to remove the little stones.

3) Referral to Ragnarok: The Animation Show

4) Kogure – the eyeglass boy from the anime, Slam Dunk.

…………………………

**Next Episode…**

"So… is this your beautiful wife?" Hiashi's eyes turned to Tenten, who was hiding behind a potted plant. She blinked and immediately stood up blushing.

"She's not my wife," corrected Neji. "but she can be very beautiful, Uncle."

She wasn't sure whether it was another of Neji's tricks, but her traitorous heart couldn't help but get affected by his comment.

"So if she's not your wife, then she's your husband?"

"No, Uncle." He gestured to Ino.

"So she is your husband?" he asked, pointing at Ino, prompting Shika to snicker. After shooting a death glare at her trusty assistant, Ino quickly began to use her charms.

"I'm Yamanaka Ino, you're nephew's fiancée."


	7. Chapter 7

_Previously on Chicharong Flower…_

Tenten finally realized the truth the blindfolded Lady Justice would never see: she has fallen in love with the man whom she thought she'll only be indebted to for chicharon.

However, since this is a telenovela, obviously everything wouldn't be as easy for our heroine.

First she needs to experience a series of unfortunate events: have someone from her family who is really close to her heart die, find out she was really adopted and is actually stinking rich, be kidnapped, get into an accident, be sent to the hospital suffering from amnesia, be married off to another person which gets cancelled because she realized she's really in love with another person, and be reunited with her one true love.

But because she really isn't stinking rich and her parents, by blood and DNA proof, really are Mr. and Mrs. Sarapen, she'll have to face a _different_ set of problems.

The forthcoming wedding act of Mr. Hyuuga and Ms Yamanaka.

OK, on with the story!

-------------------------------------------------------

"What's this?" Neji was shocked to see a plate bearing Lucky Me Pansit Canton (1). He looked left and right as one would when crossing the street. He was looking for his cousin Hinata—it was highly impossible that it was his _other_ housemate who made this decent-looking meal.

Tenten entered the room, holding a platter of rice "Neji, my one and only handsome ogre, eat up!" She placed the rice down. "Hey, I said eat up."

"Y-You… made that?" he said sounding like a doubting Thomas—he was used to seeing only chicharon, fried fish and balut whenever it was Tenten who cooks.

"Oi, don't look down on my talents" she said, her hands on her hips "It's because today is your D-day, as in Death. I don't want you accusing me of being unsupportive. You and Ms Ino better do your best ok, or else your uncle would force you do censored-censored on his chosen girl."

"Don't remind me." He got a pair of fork and spoon then sat down. He took the still steamy plate of canton and inspected it for burned and slightly raw parts.

"Neji, is this your first time to see noodles in your life?" she snapped upon noticing what he was doing.

On his first bite, his face darkened. He took another bite, chewed, then sighed. "I knew it…"

Her gaze fell on him, questioning.

"You forgot to add the seasonings." The lad immediately grabbed the soy sauce beside him and added some to the noodles.

"Sorry, I'm only a cute human, prone to commit mistakes." She rolled her eyes. "How was I supposed to know how to properly cook canton (2)? It was my first time to do this!"

"There are instructions written at the back of the package."

"Already threw it out."

"All of them?"

"All of them."

He groaned. "Damn…" He poured some oil to the canton.

She winced, and then sighed. "Fine, fine, I'll add Making Better Pancit Canton to my goals in life so you would respect me as a woman."

"Fine, fine." He continued his unhurried consumption of his meal.

She seized the chance to steal a glance at the young man. Since her outburst, Neji never mentioned anything about the incident. As if… nothing happened. She doesn't have the nerve to bring the subject up, because it's probably insignificant for him.

But for her, unfortunately, it wasn't. She thought her first love had been Andres Bonifacio (3). Her fanatical history teacher who shaped her faith towards the magnificence of Andy Boni may be passionate, but the katipunero could never make her heart leap to her throat every time there's romantic tension between her and Neji.

So one thing is settled, this is unrequited love. Her feelings are on solo flight.

Life is so unfair!

Noah's pets had sweetums during their 40 day cruise. But she, who's super cute and super kind, doesn't have a love life! Must she wait for the planet to become a giant swimming pool yet again for her to find happiness?

She sighed. But… Neji makes her happy. Very much. Even from the start, when he treats her like he's experiencing menopause, she couldn't deny that that gave her determination to be closer to the young man. And she feels her hardships are paying off—that it is possible to melt the Antarctic, even little by little.

He even has a sense of humor now. She used to think making her neighbor's dog laugh was her ultimate achievement. Neji was harder, but the triumph she felt as she saw his heartfelt smile for the first time ever is extremely rewarding. It definitely beats winning the lottery, even though she never won in one.

But because of the number of thoughts processed in her mind, she forgot the stolen glance was supposed to be for only a second.

Too late—he was already staring at her as well.

She blinked and then smiled.

"What?" he asked.

"I…I was just reflecting on how pretty the kitchen stove is," she replied.

"How could you tell, you were staring at me?"

"M-Me? Staring?" She forced a careless laugh. "I was just troubled. A seductive kitchen stove—what the heck is the world coming to?"

"Pft."

"Anyway, you're not that adorable, Neji, so feel free to act less of a smartass. I won't mind."

"Oh really?" He pushed his plate away, Canton all gone. "But you adore me so much."

"How could you tell? You're not in the Madonna and Child paintings, no? Why should I adore you?"

The corner of his mouth twitched. "You tell me."

She leaned on the kitchen cupboard. "Neji, Neji, I promised myself I wouldn't annoy you today, that's why I'm remaining silent"

"Break it then."

"No way! Where's the thrill in breaking promises when you're being encouraged?" she asked, smiling impishly. "Hand me your plate. Obviously you still want another serving of my seasoning-less pansit canton, but you're just actually _shy _to ask."

He laughed quietly. "Yes, I guess I'm still hungry"

"If you're also thirsty, there's the soup from the canton—"

"No, thank you."

She entered the kitchen, holding Neji's plate, when she heard someone arriving. She thought it had been Hinata and Naruto back from fetching Hiashi, so she hurriedly went outside to greet the newcomers.

And then her face fell. Ino was standing by the doorway, looking like a goddess from the heavens that descended to spread beauty throughout the world.

Without meaning to, her eyes fell on her own outfit, which was something even pre-fairy godmother Cinderella won't wear.

She just felt more upset—she looked like the slave of the god of the underworld, a painful contrast to Yamanaka Ino.

Due to her long stay in the kitchen, trying to get the right blend of Neji's tea like the one Hinata prepares, she lost track of the time. It had been hours and she had used up countless leaves, without any success.

Then it was only minutes ago when she remembered the brand of instant tea inside the ref which Hinata left earlier. With the tea problem solved, she proceeded to cook Neji pancit canton next.

But she was left with little time to change into something more decent.

_No, make that NO time, _she thought as the blonde approached her.

"Hi!" Ino greeted, beaming.

Tenten felt smaller when she saw Ino's trophy-inside-a-dental-clinic smile.

Another person entered, none other than the lady's trusty assistant, Nara Shikamaru.

Ino pointed to the bag that her assistant was carrying. "I brought breakfast for you, Neji. You mentioned yesterday you like crispy banana rolls."

"I hope you like _my _cooking," muttered Shika grumpily

"Thanks." Neji nodded, and then got up to pull out a seat for Ino. "Why don't you eat breakfast first? My Uncle from Brunei will arrive shortly."

"What did he do in Brunei?" asked the blonde, eyes wide.

"Frustrated entertainer," Neji said, shrugging, as if these two words would suffice to explain everything.

Tenten on the other hand, immediately grabbed the bag from Shikamaru. "Good! Now we have breakfast! Right timing too, because I haven't cooked yet"

The Hyuuga's forehead creased. "I thought there's still canton—"

"I thought so too, but I've just realized my mistake," she quipped, hurriedly going back to the kitchen. Her chest tingled, even though she knew her family has no history of coronary thrombosis, but of course, it has nothing to do with Neji, Ino and the circumstances they're in. Of course not.

And of course it has nothing to do with the smashed banana rolls she served later on the table.

…………………………………

A few hours had passed when the horse-drawn carriage owned by the Hyuuga family finally arrived. Everyone was startled, especially when they heard those hurrying footsteps in the yard..

Neji and company were waiting inside the living room, while Tenten could be found inside the kitchen, boiling water for her Nescafe Ice.

But she also took a peek at the adjacent room when the door opened and in came a thunderous anime dubber-like voice.

"Neji!!! My one and only nephew in the whole country of this world we live in!!!" Hyuuga Hiashi cheerfully greeted. Behind him are Naruto and Hinata, holding Duty Free bags and balikbayan boxes and packages (4).

"Hello, Uncle Hyuuga-sama," greeted the young man with respect, making Tenten pause dreamily. The young man could act Mr. Suave-ish if he really wanted to. "I trust that your trip home had been free of hassles."

Hiashi laughed. "Of course! It was _freedom_!"

Tenten's face darkened. She didn't know whether it was he whom Naruto learned English from or vice-versa; those two are almost carbon copies.

"So… is this your beautiful wife?" Hiashi's eyes turned to Tenten, who was hiding behind a potted plant. She blinked and immediately stood up, blushing.

"She's not my wife," corrected Neji. "but she can be very beautiful, Uncle."

She wasn't sure whether it was another of Neji's tricks, but her traitorous heart couldn't help but get affected by his comment.

"So if she's not your wife, then she's your husband?"

"No, Uncle." He gestured to Ino.

"So she is your husband?" he asked, pointing at Ino, prompting Shika to snicker. After shooting a death glare at her trusty assistant, Ino quickly began to use her charms.

"I'm Yamanaka Ino, you're nephew's fiancée." So she started narrating about herself. The old man listened attentively; meanwhile Tenten slithered back to the kitchen.

"Hold up!" barked the old man, startling all of them. "Hold everything for one madapaking moment plis (5)!"

He turned to the chicharon vendor. "Where are you going, dear? You're going to tell your life story next. Tell us the story of your existence, and how you came to be in this cruel world we live in."

She stammered. "I-It's the same as with your daughter. My mother thought my father was male, and my father thought my mother was also male. I was a mistake. I-I mean maybe not the same as Hinata but… umm… I'm not a product of vitro fertilization. T-That's how I came to be sir."

"No. I understand your origins. But tell me what happened after you came to be."

"P-Pardon?" Tenten's forehead creased. Why is she the one in the hot seat when she's not the fiancée in the story? "I-I'm boiling water."

"The water will boil without you, young lady," replied Hiashi.

"And the kitchen will burn down without me sir," she replied, sweatdropping.

"That's fine, I'll accompany you inside." Hiashi got up and went to the kitchen, Tenten followed him still stunned.

Ino stood up, shocked to the core. "What was that! My beauty was snubbed!"

Neji got up too, but he wasn't troubled because his Uncle wasn't convinced that Ino was his fiancée. He has a bigger problem—his Uncle might be interested with _Tenten_. He clenched his fists.

No. Whatever happens, even if peace between Branch and Main family collapse, he didn't care.

"Just he try touching even a finger off her…" His eyes blazed as he proceeded to go to the kitchen as well. "He'll see…"

Naruto patted him. "Calm down, bro-in-law! Listen to us first before you make your mistakes."

Hinata quickly intervened when he saw his cousin wasn't in the mood to deal with her English impaired husband. "K-Kuya Neji, it's like this… it was Naruto's idea… and…" She began to explain to everyone in the room, including the pissed off Ino and snickering Shika, the details of Naruto's idea. In the end, Neji's face darkened, Shika and Ino were laughing, and Hinata was smiling. Naruto gave him a thumbs up.

"Trust me, Bro-in-law. Trust (6) never breaks, you could even ask Hinata…"

"Shut up!" he snapped.

………………………………………………………

"Gimme a cup of your concoction too, young lady," Hiashi said, looking like royalty, sitting on the kitchen table.

She obliged. After giving him his own cup, she sat down and looked at her own cup, wondering what was in the mind of the man.

"Tenten is your name, am I correct?" asked Hiashi. She hasn't replied yet when he continued.

"Your name was brought up several times by my daughter. Usually I do not care, but I'm not usual anymore."

She blinked.

"So I'm unusual, so I care already. Neji is unusual too."

She only understood the last part. Neji IS unusual. One in a millionth of a million. He was THAT special.

"I know that he may be unhappy, so the idea of him having a baby struck me."

"E-Eh?" She was struck as well.

"I mean, that he has his own family…children to take care of him." He sipped his hot iced coffee, and smiled. "But let me tell you that I was not fooled by my nephew.

"W-What do you mean?" she asked, a little worried.

"I know he was telling the whole truth when he said he met someone special, but he lied. Sort-of." He grinned and cocked his head towards the living room. "The woman he introduced to me as his supposed fiancée was not the one he really met."

"H-Huh?" she staggered.

"I would not have noticed, but when I asked him about you, the amount of gentleness in his voice did it. I realized that it was you all along." Hiashi smiled. "He said he found you beautiful. The eyes of my clan can see through anything, but we're not perverts, mind you. Anyway, the tongue of our clan is used solely for truth, except on honeymoons…"

She sweatdropped. A little pervish, in fairness.

"I think you will be good for him."

"B-But…"

"WAIT!"

Tenten and Hiashi both turned around. Neji was standing there, with Hinata et al behind him.

The young Hyuuga has his forehead creased. "Tell the truth, Uncle."

"The truth?" The man eyed him. "What truth are you talking about, nephew of mine?"

Neji groaned, and then pointed a finger at him. "That you… are an IMPOSTOR!"

"Gasp!" Tenten said, but it seems that she was the only one surprised. Wait a madapaking minute. What kind of a catastrophe is happening here?

---------------------------------------------------------------------

What is the secret of the old man accused of being an impostor? And why was he called an impostor? And more importantly, will Jan, whom my sister supports whole heartedly every night, that she needs to vote for continuously on StarStruck TV, survive this week?

To be continued…

……………………

Glossary

1 - Lucky Me is the brand name XD. Pansit canton is similar to noodles without soup.

2 – (Omi's notes: to get things straight… canton has a green meaning behind it… canton sounds like kantot, and kantot literally means sex in our language. Thus the fot's choice of meal. hehehe so Tenten's reply has double meaning yet again.)

3 - A Filipino hero, who instigated the Katipunan, a nationwide org to fight against Spanish colonization; katipunero is a term to denote a member of katipunan

4 - Duty Free is a mall where newly arrived people in the country buy gifts for family members. Balikbayan literally means going back to a country. It's been tradition to bring back gifts to family members and friends when Filipinos go abroad. These packages are usually reaaaally huge.

5 - _motherfucking, please._ Omi retained original spelling to signify his bad grammar.

6 – Trust is a brand of condom in our country.


	8. Chapter 8

**Previously on Chicharong Flower…**

_Neji and Hiashi meet; however, the older Hyuuga seems to be more interested with Tenten than Ino! And at the climax of the previous chapter, Neji called his uncle an impostor! _

_Does Hiashi have an evil twin brother? Then won't that mean Neji's daddy was adopted? Or were they actually triplets, except Kishimoto didn't know that? _

_Before we complicate Naruto's storyline even further, let's continue with the chapter…_

……………………………………………………………………..

Hyuuga Hiashi stood up, a look of disbelief on his wrinkled face. "How could you, my nephew? How could you think of me as a feke (1)?"

"Fake," corrected Ino wanly.

"Feke!!!" screamed Hiashi and Naruto.

"I give up," sighed Shikamaru, who sat near the chair to take a nap, like he usually does whenever Ino's favorite TV soaps were on.

Neji shook his head "We all know the truth—"

"I don't!" Tenten answered, confusion visible on her face.

"—so stop your pretending and take off that disguise." Neji crossed his arms in front of his chest. "You are…"

"Gasp!" Tenten.

Naruto grabbed the face of Hyuuga Hiashi then gave it a pull, revealing the self-confessed Most Handsome Guy on the Face of a Faceless Wall.

Everyone was shocked. "William Hung?!!"

The idol smiled sweetly and combed his dark mop.

Neji glared at his cousin's husband. "I thought you said—"

Naruto winced. "You example of a son of a gun! You are already exposed, and yet you still try to hide your true colors!" He yanked for the second time the mask hiding the face of Hinata's mysterious father. "Show yourself—Ricky Martin?!!!" Another yank at the mask. "Larry King?!" And another mask fell off. "Tom Cruise?!!" And another one. "Bill Gates?!!" And yet another one. "Elvis Presley?!! I knew it, you're still alive! My movie idol couldn't have died so easily!"

Hinata pulled her fanatical husband back, and then smiled at the pretender gently. "You can reveal yourself already, Sir Gai."

"Sir Gai?!!" Tenten said, forehead creased. Who the hell was that?

"Oh my vegetable!" The King of Rock n' Roll sighed before removing the mask. "I would have succeeded, if not for you meddling kids."

"What are you doing here, Gai?" Neji asked, frowning. He didn't like the idea of him being toyed by his former teacher, nor did he like the idea of his secretly cherished singing idol speaking in Gai-English. Well, he did suspect something was wrong when Hiashi-sama's English was worse than before… a lot worse than Naruto's.

"Who's Gai?" insisted Tenten.

"He was Kuya Neji's former teacher in taijutsu, kung fu, karate, judo, a-and…" explained Hinata, immediately looking at her dark-faced cousin.

"Ballroom dancing!! Hahaha!!!" Maito Gai's grinning face was finally revealed. "Well, student of mine, I've heard about your problem. Your cousin-in-law here called up my office—"

"Office?!" Neji was stunned. "What office?"

"Oh, you don't know? I work as a professional hair stylist in Hollywood!"

"What?!" Neji secretly prayed that Gai's hands hadn't touched Steven Seagull's hair yet. Seagull was also his idol, right up to the latter's suave ponytail.

"Anyway, your cousin-in-law called me up, telling me that you're too _bugnutin_ (2), and that you need a lovelife so that you won't be _bugnutin_ anymore. But since you will not listen to me, I don't know why you won't anyway, I decided to be a _feke_!" explained Gai cheerfully. "And since Hiashi is dead, I hope he didn't mind that I used his identity! Haha!"

Hinata sighed, praying his father wouldn't haunt this being. "But Sir Gai, I wish you considered that you couldn't deceive my Kuya Neji. He promised on my father's grave before that he'll be my guardian."

"That was your father's grave?" Neji replied, then winced. "Oh right, I forgot."

"Well, nevertheless, I have succeeded, right?" said Gai, very proud of his accomplishment. "I was able to serve my purpose—to give Neji the initiative to fall in love!"

"I do NOT need an initiative!" snapped Neji. "I'm old enough to decide for myself what I need and don't."

"You know it alright, but you don't accept it." Gai shook his head. "You know, ever since you were little, your pride and your heart had always find it difficult to reconcile with each other. They keep on banging and banging on each other, like cymbals in the music bands. This led to your psychological disorder called _bugnutin_."

"Eh?" was the only reply the Byakugan-using young man could muster  
"And, when you're _bugnutin_, you're not fun to be with anymore," added Naruto. "Your head is always hot, and you keep on shouting and shouting even when the problem is only very small…"

"And when you're shouting and shouting, you disrupt the peace and order of your home," Hinata answered. "Aren't you worried about your nephew?" She touched her womb.

"Also, Neji—" Gai began.  
"That's enough!!!" the young man shouted. What is this, an open forum about the public's grievances against him?

"Anyway, the point is," said Gai, immediately recovering. "When you started feeling this wondrous thing called love, you started to act less _bugnutin_. You started smiling more often, even if nothing is funny. Oh wait, is that good news, or another psychological disorder?"

"Kuya Neji, you were able to show your humanity ever since you met Ate Tenten," Hinata continued smiling.

Immediately, his pale eyes went to the chicharon vendor, who was also speechless. Humanity? Love? He doesn't understand those things. But he admits that his world did become lighter ever since meeting this young woman. If humanity meant learning to laugh at the little hassles in life…if love meant eating high cholesterol food just to appreciate the blushing cook…

His eyes softened. Yes, maybe Tenten was closer to his heart than he wants to admit.

Naruto nudged Hinata. "See that? That's how I looked at you the first time I realized I fell in love with my loyal stalker."

"Stalker?"

"Hehe. That's how I call you then."

Gai beamed approvingly. Finally, his student understood the value of acceptance. Now, if only the boy could understand the importance of his recommended hair conditioner, then his great mentor would be very happy and fulfilled with his career.

Shikamaru's head raised wearily. "Is it over? Can we go home now?"

…………………………………………………

"So in the end, all my efforts were wasted," Tenten commented while she and Neji were sitting on the roof, playing tong-its (3) while eating dried watermelon seeds and Boy Bawang (4).

Neji took a card from the stack. "Don't worry about it. I already paid Ino for her efforts."

"But she's still asking for your cell phone number," grumbled the chicharong flower cook, taking the King card that Neji dropped earlier, and then dropping two more Kings to complete a full house.

"Yes. They'll be the ones to provide the flowers when I finally kick the bucket," answered the Hyuuga, secretly berating himself. He should have dropped the Jack Spade instead.

"What now?" Tenten questioned, at the same time dropping the Queen Spade in the pile.

Neji eyed impatiently the King Spade on Tenten's house. He took another card from the stack. "What, what now?" He then remembered it. "Aaah. Yes, don't worry about your chicharon. I would still honor our agreement. Tomorrow, I'll send all of my pigs to the butcher."

"B-But…" That was not what the young lady wanted to ask. "W-What about us?" Her eyes shook in uncertainty. He kissed her, and even if he went silent when Hinata earlier suggested they suited each other, doesn't that automatically implied that he was interested with her?

"Us?" Neji looked puzzled. "Do we still need to go with the butcher? Let's just wait for the dead pigs here—" He was surprised when cards were suddenly thrown at his face. "W-wait, Tenten! What's the matter?"

"Go figure!" she yelled, grumpily jumping down from the roof to the second floor of the mansion.

"Tenten!"

She looked up at the roof, eyes crinkled in annoyance. "What?"

He pointed to the cards. "I won."

He nearly died with her glare.

As he watched the girl enter the hallway, he could only wonder silently, "What was that about…we were just playing cards earlier, then she just left. Women…"

He has another big problem though: the young woman might be angry at him, for whatever reasons he didn't know about. But that wouldn't help him, especially when he was so clueless as to how to tell the woman that he wants to make her a permanent part of his household, if not his wife.

…………………………………………….

_The events are already clear, but there remains to be another dilemma between the in- denial lovers. Will Neji ever figure out the reason why Tenten threw her cards at him? Will Tenten ever know that the only reason he won in the game was because he took a peek at her cards? _

_These and other blazing questions will be answered in the final chapter of Chicharong Flower._

------------------ Omitot's Handy Pinoy Vocabs ----------------------

1. feke - fake in Filipino is peke, fot combined English and Filipino forms XD which is a quite common practice with slang

2. bugnutin - bugnutin I imagine is similar to being grumpy XD

3. tong-its - card game I'm not sure how to play it, so I couldn't explain how it works. Last time I played it there was someone behind me telling me which cards to drop and when to get a card from the pile… so basically, I was just holding the cards XD

4. Boy Bawang - a local brand of dried corn bits XD not sure XD it's been years since I last ate boy bawang XD bawang is garlic btw


	9. Chapter 9

**Previously on Chicharong Flower…**

**At last, the shocking truth about the mysterious haunting spirit of Hyuuga Hiashi was finally revealed: he is one **_**feke**_**! Moreover, Neji finally realized why he still couldn't throw the chicharon vendor out of his mansion (despite her being a complete pain in the neck). Now if only Tenten knew that...**

…..

Neji went down the stairs, rubbing his eyes. Gai, Naruto and his cousin had kept him up last night, playing cards. He wasn't supposed to join them; unfortunately, he was bothered by the presence of a certain housemate who was _obviously_ avoiding him.

From the living room, he could hear a marriage of two voices that seemed to come from the depths of the gloomy underworld cabaret.

"Because of my Mother... who's so good in hanging up clothes! Life had more co—(1)"

The young man groaned. How many days have he heard that jingle? The laundry soap's latest gimmick came in a form of "guess the missing word" game, which he thought was particularly inane and insulting of the levels and depths of basic human intelligence.

Or so he thought. For until now, Naruto and Gai are still trying to figure out that missing word. And how many times did he say that "color" is the missing word, but did they listen to him? Of course not!

Naruto said, "That cannot be, cousin so in law! It's too simplified! They will not give one million pesos for something so…so…_simplificated_!"

And Gai? "I cannot see the connection between color, hanged up clothes, and Mother! It's so….far!"

Neji could only wince when he hears the guessing game following that infuriating commercial.

"_Ku_…_to_?" guessed Naruto. "Li-fe had mooooooooore _kuuuu…to_ (2)!"

"Istupeeeed!" Gai knocked the disagreeable lad. "A person can have _kuto_ with or without _Serp_ (3)!"

Of course, Hinata's husband wouldn't just back down. "For your piece of inflammation, when you wash your clothes with Serp, and then hang the clothes under the sun, you will have lice!"

The teacher stopped, deep in thought. "Hmm…you're right… but let's explore the other possibilities, shall we?"

"We shall," agreed Naruto. "Life had more _ku…mag_(4)?"

"Why _kumag_?" the Hollywood hair stylist questioned, curious.

"Maybe they eat the Serp powder."

"Hmm…can be…" Gai grinned. "How about _ku…#$_?"

Neji wanted to bang his head on the wall.

At that instant, Tenten entered the living room. "Hinata's finished cooking breakfast, Naruto, Sir Gai. Let's eat."

"What is our meal all about?" questioned the older man while entering the kitchen.

"Um, chocolate-flavored rice and dried fish." The lady was about to leave when she saw Naruto gesture towards the escalator.

Neji was standing by it, not knowing what to do.

The chicharon vendor was also startled but shrugged it off. She nonchalantly walked into the kitchen, too.

Gai and Naruto looked at each other before glancing towards Neji who looked wounded; then danced. "You're dead, you're dead, you're dead Neji!"

The young man wasn't able to react. He didn't know the woman had such a temper. If he only knew then that this will happen, he should have let her won their tong-its game.

…

At the dining table, it was obvious that two people weren't in the mood for talking. Tenten was looking down on her bowl of choco rice, taking slow bites. Neji also had his head down, as if counting the rice bits.

Hinata was cutting the fish into smaller pieces for her husband. Gai, of course had to ask why she does that.

Naruto was the one who answered. "If I do it by myself, I only eat the skin part."

"What? You only eat the skin?" Gai was astonished. "Do you know that the skin is oily? Do you want to get skin cancer?"

Tenten coughed, and Neji automatically handed her a glass. The young lady paused, then just stared at him.

_Was she touched by my thoughtfulness? _Neji wondered, encouraged. A second later, it hit him.

The glass didn't have any water.

The young man took it back, embarrassed.

Hinata seized the chance to make the two talk. After all, they're not the only ones annoyed by the silence reigning inside the Hyuuga mansion.

"Kuya Neji, did you have an argument with Miss Tenten?" Direct approach was what Hinata thought as the best strategy to shock the truth out of these two.

It was Neji's turn to cough. "A-argument? O-Of course not. W-Whatever made you think of that? A-And if ever we did argue, is that wrong? When did arguing defy clan laws? And what do you people care about our business? There's nothing you could do to help!"

Everyone gaped at him.

The young man dropped his head, the last remaining ounce of pride hidden deep inside him destroyed.

"What can you say about that?" Hinata uttered, glancing at the chicharon vendor.

"I got my choco rice mix right," replied Tenten, shrugging.

The clan heiress could only sigh.

"I sense a fraction between you," started Gai, always the advocate of world peace and harmony.

"Friction," Neji corrected.

"He finally admitted it! He and Tenten are fighting!" said Naruto cheerfully.

"I didn't admit anything!" snapped the young Hyuuga.

"You said it yourself! There's friction between you two!"

"I was merely correcting Gai!"

"Whatever!" A huge grin plastered on Uzumaki Naruto's face.

"I DID NOT ADMIT ANYTHING!"

"K-Kuya Neji, would you please sit down," Hinata immediately intervened, sweatdropping. She noticed the death grip of her cousin on his fork ready to target-shot her husband.

"You don't need to worry, Sir Gai."

Everybody was silenced when the chicharon vendor spoke up. Tenten continued. "If there's anything wrong, it will end today."

_She's finally going to forgive me?_ Neji wondered, renewed hope flickered in his eyes.

It was ignored by the young lady. "I'll be leaving this place later."

…

"It doesn't matter how long you sulk there, Kuya Neji. You can't do anything about it," Hinata explained. Earlier, she had found her cousin in the corner of the garden catching dragonflies, and decided it was a good time as any to start discussing his love quandary. "It was Miss Tenten's decision."

The lad sighed. "You're too noisy. The one I was about to catch got away."

"Kuya Neji, I know you don't want her to leave," Hinata began. "Please do something to change her mind."

"Such as?"

"I don't know."

He glared at her.

And she smiled back at him. "Kuya Neji, last time you looked at me like that, I was twelve. That was when you first found out that I was the daughter of your uncle who's not at so at peace with my uncle who's your daddy. Can you still remember that?"

He remembered punching her over and over until she almost died if he wasn't stopped by the elders. "Oh, that. I'm not that bothered about your father. I-I just thought… you were laughing at my Barbie. I wasn't the only boy who plays with Barbie dolls… according to Father."

"I know." Hinata patted him. "If you were able to do that for your doll, why couldn't you do the same for the person who's more valuable than a hundred Barbie dolls in the world? She's one-of-a-kind, she's priceless…why would you want to let her go?"

"It's not that I wanted to let her go. B-but…" He crossed his arms musingly.

"If you would let your fear dominate you, you'll be living a life of what-ifs. What-ifs are more painful than regrets, Kuya Neji," she said softly.

The lad was about to speak when Naruto popped out from behind. "She's right, cousin so in-law! You know that life is short! Give it your best shoot! Er, shot! Uh…shooting? Shootable? Shootification?"

"She doesn't even acknowledge my presence," Neji complained. "Just because she lost a game of tong-its…"

"Maybe it's because you haven't fulfilled your part in the bargain," replied Hinata. "I do remember that you wagered the pigs in exchange for her finding you someone to act as your fiancée."

The young man's eyes grew wide. "You're kidding, right? If I do that then she would really leave!"

"It does not matter. She's leaving anyway," Gai revealed, uncovering himself from the nearby shrub where he was hiding.

Neji was stunned. "She's leaving right now?"

"Uh…"

"Damn!" The young man was about to run off when he was stopped by Naruto.

"Brother-in-law, slow down! If you will attack the battlefield without a weapon, you will not live long!" Naruto pulled him back to them. "Here. Let me give you pieces of advice regarding this situation…"

…

Tenten was watching a local music channel in the living room, sympathizing with Akon's Mr. Lonely when Neji trudged in, his body covered with sweat. She arched an eyebrow at him.

"I'LL GIVE YOU THE PIGS!" he announced frantically, still catching his breath.

She turned the TV off. "Relax, you sound like you just declared a revolution against revolutions. What is your problem?"

He paused. "I'll give you the pigs?"

"Er…okayyy…"

"Will you still leave?" he asked uncertainly.

"Of course."

"T-then… then… I'LL GIVE YOU ALL MY CHICKENS!" he proposed, "along with all their unborn children and eggs!"

"N-Neji, are you okay?" She was not accustomed to this sudden outburst from the usual stoic Hyuga.

"Why do you have to leave?" he asked, finally, the question that has been bothering him.

She grimaced. "W-well, I couldn't stay here forever, right? I told you before, if I feel I could already make it on my own, I'll leave."

"What could I do to make you stay?" he asked. "Would you like me to sing? Dance?"

"I already saw that, Neji," she said, shaking her head.

"I would purposely lose in tong-its everyday, if that's the problem," he said desperately.

"If you don't cheat, that's definitely what will happen," she smiled wanly.

"You knew?"

"Of course."

"Is that why you're upset?"

She shrugged.

"Can't you forgive me?" he asked quietly.

Her heart skipped a beat at that. She quickly forced her excitement out of the way. "You don't have to worry, it's not about that." She finally released a smile. "But thanks anyway, Neji."

"Then what did I do?" he asked miserably.

"You're wrong." She sighed. "You're supposed to ask, 'what did _I_ do'."

"You only repeated what I just asked."

She groaned. "Noo! I meant, what did _I_ do?" She pointed towards herself repeatedly. "It's me, okay? Me!"

"So, what did you do?" returned Neji.

"It's a secret."

"Tenten…I have the right to know," he said.

"Oh? Why so?"

"That's the only thing I could hang on to so you wouldn't go."

The chicharon vendor was silenced.

"If you don't want to tell me, the least you can do for me is to say yes."

"Yes? To which survey? FHM's again?"

"To my marriage proposal."

She froze in front of him. "S-say w-what?"

"Marriage. Wedding, nuptial, the union of two hearts."

"F-For what?" she asked, nervously laughing. "Don't tell me, there's another Sir Gai who would instantly pop out and—"

"I'm the one who wanted this." He smiled tenderly at her. "I've fallen in love with the chicharon vendor who drives me crazy."

She stared at him, wide-eyed.

"I want… I want you to be by my side always," he continued, "because there's no other person who makes me as happy as you do."

Valiantly fighting the tears filling up her eyes, she kidded, "E-Eh…you should have proposed to someone from the carnival. They'll make you happier."

"I certainly cannot love them as much as I love you."

_Love? _She fell speechless…again.

"Don't you want me?" asked Neji, cold sweat trailing his figure. "I-I can be really quite good-looking, according to Mother. A-And I could cook for you and do your laundry. I'm also healthy, with good genes, a real _palahian _(5) material.

"I'm a one-woman man, unlike you, who upon seeing Drew Arellano and Carlos Lorenzo together in one screen, can get confused on who to fangirl. But when you really think about the aesthetic spectrum of things, I'm actually better-looking than both of them."

She was starting to tremble. Are all these true? Did he really love her?

"And I will eat any kind of chicharon you make… chicken, pork, beef, shrimp, squid, water buffalo, goat, lamb…""

"Why are you telling me all these things?" Her voice was barely audible.

"I'm only stating what I can do as your mate, the discerning woman that you are. And that's just the start." He smiled coyly. "To show that I also have affinity to the cultural arts that you women seem to be so damn fond of, I also have an intermission number." Softly, he sang. "_There are three bears in a house …_"

The young woman broke into peals of laughter. "Neji!"

"… _Papa Bear is very strong… Mama Bear is very beautiful…_" He started including some choreography into his number.

"Neji, please! You're too disgraceful to look at! What if someone sees this and starts shooting this, and then puts it out on sale along with other celebrity scandal videos?"

"…_Baby Bear is very lively…_"

"Neji! Dammit, what is this, a representation of the horror-erotica genre?"

"_Look at them, look at them…_"

"Neji, you're on a high yet again! You sniffed some glue again, didn't you?"

The Hyuuga stopped, looking miffed. "You didn't like that? Fine, I'll demo my other abilities." He cupped her face, and before she could react, he had kissed her already.

She didn't have time to react when he suddenly let go, grinning.

"Eh, what was that?" she suddenly uttered.

"He smirked. "Sorry. Evaluation license expired. If you want that everyday, you have to marry me."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Jelly fish jutsu?"

"Why can't you just admit that you have developed an inclination towards the jelly fish, Tenten?"

She sighed. "Fine."

He looked satisfied, but then his forehead creased. "Wait, what was that thing you said you did wrong?"

She shrugged. "Nothing much. Only that I had this silly little notion to make you the husband and father of my future family, but which I thought earlier was next to impossible."

He grinned. "You know what Adidas has to say about that, yes?"

"Um, say no to Athlete's Foot?"

"NO."

….

_It's true that life is magical._

_Sometimes you feel that you already know where your life's heading for, then something you didn't expect will come by and change everything. It's called fate._

_But if that something you didn't expect to happen, in fact didn't happen, and nothing changed, means only one thing. Your life is boring._

_Anyhow, I, Tenecita Teneciente Da Sarapen-Hyuuga have no business with that. I live a different life. A life, wherein I am no longer alone. Fate might have introduced it to me in a weird way, but it's aaaaaall so good to me. _

…_except when he joins his cousin's husband singing their national anthem._

"_There are three bears in a house …"_

**THE END**

* * *

Notes:

1 =from a radio commercial involving laundry soaps and mothers, and how the soap made our lives more colorful. (scratches cheek) Yeah, I know. Anyway, there was a contest held based on this jingle wherein there is a missing word and if you guess it right, you'll win one million pesos.

2 = kuto, or in English, lice. The commercial's missing word here starts with ku. It has been speculated that the missing word is actually kulay, or color.

3 = Serp is my play upon the laundry soap's brand, which is Surf.

4 = kumag refers to a demented person  
5 = palahian implies wanting your descendants to have the traits of someone XD~ example. My classmate commented, she wanted to "magpalahi" to my good looking classmate, meaning she wanted to bear a child from him, who's extremely good looking, tall, and smart so her child would also inherit his traits XD~ }

6 = The Three Bears song and choreograph was adapted from Full House, a Korean drama


End file.
